The names folks choose can say a lot about their culture, religion, or personal preference, and hashing out baby names with loved ones comes with an unspoken caveat: if somebody tells you the name of their future kid, you aren’t allowed to steal it for your own kid.
Particularly if that somebody is your best friend, and explicitly told you how much that name meant to her.
This is what happened to u/Howcanichangehermind, who on the Am I The A—hole subReddit detailed how her pregnant BFF was a baby-name-thief, and who is wondering if she’s an a—hole for wanting to cut her off indefinitely.
She first gives a little context: she is not pregnant or “anywhere near close” to being pregnant, but revealed her future baby’s name to her expecting best friend.
To start things off, I’m not pregnant. Nor am I anywhere near close to being pregnant. However, my best friend is pregnant and I couldn’t be more happy for her. As best friends do, we started discussing baby names.
OP reveals that the name means a lot to her because it was her late mom’s suggestion, and she wanted her potential future daughter to have that tie to her grandmother.
She asked me if I had any baby names picked out for my future children and I told her my mother had suggested a name years ago for my future daughter that I absolutely fell in love with. It’s super unique and it’s a name that originates from the country she was born in. My mother is no longer alive, so this is something I really wanted to do in the future so my potential daughter could have a connection to her grandmother.
But instead of asking OP for permission, or at least giving her a heads up that she’d stolen her future baby’s name, the ‘best friend’ chose to reveal it publicly on Facebook.
A few days ago, I saw on facebook that my best friend posted a picture of those 3D sonograms and in the post she revealed the name that she had picked for her daughter. It was the name I told her that I had picked out for my future daughter. I am absolutely devastated she would do this to me. She knows what that name meant to me and she decided to use it anyway.
And when confronted, this pregnant friend doubled down on the argument that since she’s pregnant and OP isn’t, she gets first dib on all baby names.
She says it’s just a name and since she’s pregnant before me she gets to use whatever name she wants. I told her she’s being heartless and asked her how she can do this to someone she sees as a sister.
She is not going to change her mind about this, so I want to end all communication with her since I can’t even imagine calling her daughter by the name I wanted for mine. Am I the a—hole for doing this?
OP goes on to clarify that the name “isn’t an American/English name, it’s a Middle Eastern one,” and that her former BFF “isn’t Middle Eastern.”
So, she decided to ask Reddit whether she was overreacting and potentially throwing away a long-term friendship, or whether her reaction was warranted.
Yea I was winding up for an easy YTA. But I agree. In this instance OP is definitely NTA.—sayin_smart_thangs
I was thinking ‘Oh how the f—k would you be justified in any way’ Then I read it and yeah that’s an easy NTA—jayishades
NTA I totally understand a name can be used by anyone but with such a detailed emotional back story of why you picked that name for your kid it’s a A move to use it because there are sooo many names out there.—liarslittlepretty
Plenty encouraged OP to use the name anyway, and to not let her former friend ‘ruin’ it for her.
NTA. She straight up ripped that off, knowing how it would hurt you, I have no idea how she could be so selfish. Cut her out of your life and when you do have a kid, use the name your mom suggested. Dont let her ruin that for you.—CapK473
I personally think OP should name her kid that anyway. It’s still incredibly personal and meaningful.—vivalavulva
In fact, so many women have had their baby names ‘stolen’ by supposed ‘friends’ that they encouraged all reading to *NEVER* share a baby name, anytime, anywhere, with anyone, before said baby arrives.
If anything Reddit has taught me, never share your future kids’ name with anybody, not friends, not relatives, not parents or siblings. Heck don’t even share it with your boyfriend. Just drop the name when your baby is actually borned.—WhiteJadedButterfly
Use a fake name, when I was pregnant I told everyone the baby will be called Horst. People were so shocked I’m sure everyone was relieved to hear the actual name when she was born.—waterproof13
My kid was Percent. The symbol, not the word. The Artist Formerly Known As Baby.—punfull
I didn’t share my daughter’s name until she was born because everyone has a goddamn opinion. When people pestered me about it at work, I’d say I was gonna name the baby Shoe, Megatron, Blanket, Box Fan, whatever stupid thing popped in my mind to get them to leave me alone. I made it into a fun game for myself lol.—figgypie
This happened to my mom. My mom’s sister was pregnant with my cousin at the same time as my mom was with me. Mom shared her baby name with my aunt. My cousin was born a few months before me and guess what…. my aunt stole it! My name was supposed to be Zoe.—killtertofu9
And a couple pointed out that while the best friend is “allowed” to “steal” a baby name because there isn’t technically such a thing, it’s still a dick move.
There’s no such thing as “stealing” a baby name…under normal circumstances. You get to name your kid whatever you want, and just because somebody else likes the name too doesn’t give them dibs. But this is definitely one of the few cases where using the same name feels…cruel.—MercuryCobra
Technically, she’s right, she can name her baby whatever she wants, but that doesn’t mean she’s not an a-hole for doing so.—FitfulAgreeableness
So there you have it. DON’T steal your best friend’s future baby name, DON’T ever tell anyone what you plan on naming your baby, and DON’T be an a—hole.