When you’re in a relationship, you have to make compromises. You might move for someone’s job or put your child in a school you like when your partner thinks another choice is better. Hopefully, no one is really harmed by any of these compromises. But what if you have a highly specialized job that is in direct conflict with your partner’s dream job and divorce seems like the only option?
This is probably a pretty rare occurrence, but one Redditor explained that this is in fact what is happening in her life right now. Did this person make a mistake choosing her career over her marriage? Or is that even what this dilemma is about?
The OP explains that she is the breadwinner in her household, with “multiple, highly specialized degrees for a niche industry. I make 200k+, with potential to get in the 600-M’s range.”
She says that her husband has a broad degree and work experience. Right before COVID hit, he quit his job to search for a better one. Well, he found his dream job—but this job directly puts the OP’s job stability at risk (she does not explain how).
“My company and this org. are adversarial, at best. My field is extremely secretive, and if clients discovered my spouse was working for a competitor, I would be permanently tainted. I wouldn’t be able to get a job in the industry forever. I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but I promise you, it absolutely is not. It’d be like if I worked in protecting the privacy of celebrities, and he worked for TMZ. If he tapped my car, got into my work devices, he could use that to advance his career, and any trust I have in this field will be gone. Even if I trusted my husband not to do that, my clients and company don’t. Worse, b/c my background is so specialized, this is the only field I can work in.”
The OP asked her husband to drop consideration for the job because she said that they would lose income. “He does not have to work for this organization. Even if the job market is awful right now, his background gives him access to a wide range of jobs, but I only have this one, niche field,” she says.
“He was extremely angry, and said I was ‘selfish and only cared about money.’ I told him that if he wanted to go back to school for an advanced degree or just be unemployed for a while, I would support him, but taking this job isn’t possible. He continued the process behind my back, and got the offer. He wants to accept it, b/c he says his career needs to take priority and that I wasn’t being a supportive wife. I feel so betrayed.”
“I told him he could decline the offer, w/me watching him physically decline it, or he could accept the offer and move out immediately. I would pay for him to stay two weeks at a hotel, and we would begin divorce proceedings. My company is willing to take care of all of my legal fees. I feel fucking awful. I still love him. I moved decisively, b/c this was the best way to cut my losses, but it still hurts. He called me heartless and cold. It’s true that I was prioritizing my career over his, but it felt like the only option at the time.”
Well, I am very curious as to what this woman’s job is, but the bigger question is did she make the right choice? Is she being selfish or is her husband at fault?
According to Twitter and Reddit, it sounds like she made the right decision. What do you think?