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Cat Interrupts Soccer Game, Makes It Nine Times More Interesting

This is not a post bashing soccer, the world’s most beloved sport. It’s a post about how a cat improves nearly every situation.

During a lopsided 3-1 match between professional English soccer teams Everton and Wolverhampton Wanderers an unauthorized player took to the field in the form of an excited black cat, who began running around the soccer pitch like it owned the place.

The game came to a complete standstill as everyone watched the majestic creature lope across the grass.

Surrounded by thousands of screaming fans and befuddled players the pitch-black pitch invader runs from the field only to immediately sub himself back on, running the length of the pitch in a victory lap from one goal to the next.

If only he’d had the ball at his feet.

The titillated announcers, clearly glad to have a lighthearted break in the game, make comments about how the cat is: “Just gettin’ his work out in,” calling it “Everton’s unlucky black cat” and “the best entertainment they’ve had at Goodison Park [stadium] all season.”

Meanwhile, helpless players and security personnel simply stand around, no one wanting to look foolish by chasing an opponent they have no hope of catching. Eventually the hero cat sprints victoriously down the tunnel through the legs of about 30 security guards to cheers.

Try as you might you can’t look away from the spectacle.

An animal is always watchable because they are unpredictable and have no artifice. No matter what: the cat will be a cat. And when that natural beast interrupts an absurd human event like a bunch of men chasing a round object of symbolic importance for 90 minutes while following a whimsical set of rules about the circumstances in which the round object can pass through the two sticks…all the better.

Cat: 1, Humans: Nil.