Right-Wing Down To Just Defending The Existence Of Walls

What really is a “wall”? A giant brick monstrosity intruding on the horizon? A see-through steel fence featuring “artistically designed steel slats”? An affront to God himself? If you said “a high thick masonry structure forming a long rampart or an enclosure chiefly for defense,” congrats—you’re a nerd (or the dictionary).

Trump’s promise to “build the wall” never really included any concrete (sorry) details, in fact, the whole thing started as a mnemonic device to help him remember to be “tough” on immigration in his speeches. So the wall is essentially whatever Trump says it is, though his attempts to define it have been met with scorn and mockery from his supporters and critics alike.

The wall really represents the same thing to both groups—a barrier that metaphorically and physically separates the United States from Mexico. (The former is kind of possible, but stupid and wasteful, and the latter is impossible, stupid, and wasteful.)

It’s the metaphorical “wall” that matters the most to both groups. It’s a vanity/ego project for Trump, a security blanket for his supporters, and a racist, amoral boondoggle to his critics. That’s why the debate over “the wall” is so stupid and seems to be turning Republicans’ brains into mush.

Democratic Representative Eric Swalwell got to the crux of the wall debate and in doing so inspired what’s been called “the dumbest tweet of 2019”:

Swalwell’s point (to any rational person) is that we, as Americans, should not be walling our country off from our allies and trading partners. Seems pretty clear, but then again conservatives are pretty good at completely missing the point.

Swalwell’s tweet knocked something loose in the brain of conservative writer Dan McLaughlin and this gem rattled out of his skull (which, if I’m judging by his avi pic and using his excruciating literalism, is a baseball):

Got that? Can’t be against a massive, expensive, needless border wall unless you hate all walls INCLUDING THE ONES IN YOUR OWN HOME! (My god, we’ve been surrounded by our enemies this entire time!)

(Also, fun fact, conservatives were very, very angry about the Vietnam War Memorial wall, but obviously no one with two brain cells to rub together thought that meant they were against “walls”).

On an otherwise slow morning (but not like “Dan McLaughlin slow”) the radioactively stupid take united the leftwing Twittersphere in a good old-fashioned dunkfest:

McLaughlin didn’t back away from his jaw-droopingly stupid take, but he did try to narrow and re-frame his argument to make it slightly less stupid (but still just amazingly stupid):

Again, no one is making the argument that the current fencing = Berlin Wall. Democrats have voted for increased border security, cameras, drones, and, yes, even physical barriers where they’re needed. Walling (or fencing) off the entire southern border is impractical, wasteful, and very very very stupid. It’s also racist because the intent is to send a message to our non-white neighbors that we don’t trust them.

Unfortunately, thanks to this invented border crisis, right-wing media addiction, and the bigotry of Trump’s fan base, a racist message is the only one they’ll accept.

Right now the wall really only exists in the fevered minds of his supporters, and we should keep it that way.