Fox News is obviously the dumbest of our 24-hour cable news networks. It takes a lot of work to be as stupid as Fox manages to be, so I don’t want to take anything away from them. Rather, I’d like to honor their hard work stomping out knowledge and spreading ignorance by cataloging some of the network’s stupidest moments. Because I have neither the time nor the resources nor the mental health it would take to truly capture the yawning void of misinformation that is Fox, I’ve decided to focus on their dumbest show—Fox & Friends.
Why Fox & Friends? Because Fox & Friends is the Fox News show that kicks off the day’s stupidity. It sets the tone for hours upon hours of truly moronic programming, and also the very dumb president lets it inform his very dumb decisions. It’s a very bad show.
The three Fox & Friends seem to share two brain cells among them and somehow escaped a life serving as infomercial second bananas to host one of the (*winces*) most influential news programs. How these three manage to get to the studio on time and wearing pants is beyond me, but by god they’re there every morning, ready to credulously read whatever words pop up in that teleprompter. (They should be reacting with feigned(?) surprise at how the Shamwow guy managed to soak up all that water, but instead they’re influencing foreign affairs. We live in hell.) Anyway, enjoy!
1. When they were confused and enraged by the news the Boy Scouts were letting girls join.
Choice Kilmeade quote: “A lot of our military comes from scouting.”
2. When they got mad at The New York Times for doing real journalism and exposing Trump and his family as serial tax cheats, because Trump’s dad had been “dead for a very long time.”
Choice Kilmeade quote: “There’s no financial benefit for Donald Trump running for president.”
3. When they got irrationally angry at Columbus, Ohio for not having a Columbus Day Parade.
Choice Kilmeade quote: “Columbus is like what we did landing on the moon only it was more dangerous.”
4. When they had Kid Rock on to promote civility right before he called Joy Behar a “b-tch.”
Choice Kilmeade quote: “I could see those two on Fox Nation everyday!”
5. When they defended a racist Mississippi candidate’s (and now Mississippi Senator-elect’s) comments about public hangings.
Choice Hegseth quote: “She said ‘public hangings,’ which refer to lawful executions at certain times in the 19th and 20th century!”
6. When they got triggered by Michelle Wolf making fun of the Trump administration.
Choice Kilmeade quote: “With comedy, the victim should be powerful people. They shouldn’t be Kellyanne Conway and Sarah Huckabee Sanders. And if you’re going to mock them, you have fun with it, but you don’t make fun of them.”
Editor’s note: While this didn’t happen on Fox & Friends it was too stupid not to include.
7. When they promoted a racist-as-hell Lego rip-off.
“Fox and Friends” discusses MAGA lego set with racist packaging that encourages kids to “build the wall” pic.twitter.com/DUoLooJon7
— TPM Livewire (@TPMLiveWire) November 14, 2018
Choice Doocy quote: “The toy company that’s making the holidays great again? Wait’ll you see this!”
8. When they invited a legal expert on who called Trump’s Attorney General appointment “unconstitutional” then feebly tried to argue with him.
Fox’s Andrew Napolitano: Trump “has chosen someone who does not qualify under the law to be the Acting Attorney General of the United States.” pic.twitter.com/gFKQBDy0vg
— Bobby Lewis (@revrrlewis) November 8, 2018
Choice Doocy quote: “You’re saying the guy the president appointed is not qualified? […] The president got lawyers they looked at that!”
9. When they put together an immigration panel that refuted all of their anti-immigrant propaganda.
Choice Doocy quote: “Where are they getting water? Where are they getting food?”
10. When they brought the wrong guest on and she delivered a scathing indictment of Trump.
Visible panic at the end when it dawns on them that their viewers might be exposed to ugly truths about what they support. https://t.co/HdfuXqkR8X
— Brian Beutler (@brianbeutler) July 23, 2018
Choice Rob Schmidt quote: “That didn’t go as planned.”