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Freddie Prinze Jr. Scorches Rude Star Wars Fanboys In Cuss-Filled Rant

Hey, what’s Freddie Prinze Jr. been up to lately? Becoming a dang Star Wars scholar, apparently. All Things Comedy, a Jeff Dye’s Friendship Podcast, released a teaser clip of Prinze that’s over three minutes long and shows him ranting about all the horrible fans who have ruined the franchise for kids because they can’t let go—or even listen to the world’s creator, George Lucas, himself.

Prinze was in a Star Wars cartoon and he says that even he gets hate from fans. He thinks they should let it all go.

Star Wars is for f*cking kids!” he says.

Prinze claims he knows what Lucas thinks because he heard from the mouth of Dave Filoni, who wrote for a number of Star Wars projects and worked with Lucas. The rant is filled with f-bombs, so cover the ears of any children around before playing.

He starts by saying older fans who hate on women taking the lead in the franchise are wrong to think the true hero is Han Solo.

There is no One True Hero in Star Wars. Everyone has a purpose, and that purpose is to keep the balance in the Force.

“People bitch about the dumbest things,” rants Prinze. “These are archetype characters, these are George Lucas’ words. There is no Jack Bauer in Star Wars, that character doesn’t exist, it’s not Han Solo, Han Solo’s a reluctant hero, that’s the archetype. Darth Maul, who everybody wants to win, and is everyone’s favorite because he looks sick and he’s great in the videogames… f*ck you guys!”

“He’s Sisyphus! He is born to fail! Learn your Greek mythology like, I don’t know, George f*cking Lucas did! He’s cursed to roll a boulder up the hill only to have it roll to the bottom again every single time for eternity. That is Darth Maul’s quest. He’s in on the joke, you guys. He knows it. He’s just cursed to live that life.”

Even Luke Skywalker and Leia are just part of that balance. And they’re as archetypal as characters found in ancient fairytales.

“Luke Skywalker is Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty!” he yells. “He can talk to things that don’t speak English, and he understands what they’re f*cking saying, he gets a fairy godfather instead of a fairy godmother, who teaches him how to be the best Jedi in the world in no time f*cking flat.”

Prinze also takes on Anakin, explaining why Palpatine didn’t just straight murder him. The Force would correct it, creating another Jedi.

Instead, Palpatine seduced him to the Dark Side, but the Force still balanced things, leading to the twins, Luke and Leia. “These are George Lucas’s words,” Prinze says. “This is information, not affirmation.”

But I want affirmation!

Prinze finishes by demolishing fan fiction favorites, saying that a lot of the concepts created by fans are cool and interesting. They’re just not canon. So stop trying to force your interpretation of the movie as it fits with stuff made up by outside creatives.

“That’s pretend fanfiction sh*t, which is cool but don’t try to canonize it because it doesn’t work, and I’m never going to buy it, ever,” he says. “Star Wars is for kids.”

You heard it from Prinze who heard it from Filoni who heard it from Lucas. May the force be with you.