TGIF! The workweek has finally come to an end and we couldn’t be more excited to celebrate with you. What better way to kick the weekend off than by laughing at some of the most hilarious tweets from the funny women of Twitter?
We knew you’d agree. So, without further ado, here are the best jokes from this week for you to enjoy over happy hour.
Friend: Do you want to do a 5k with me?— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 25, 2019
Me: I had cookie dough for breakfast.
in your online dating profile under INTERESTS, you MUST include “getting picked up from the airport”— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 29, 2019
Why do people named Deborah go by “Deb” and never “bruh”— Christine Estima (@christineestima) March 29, 2019
You’ve heard of the bees knees but have you heard of pic.twitter.com/ZrXQMXXYSG— dimestore cowgirl ? (@KELSHOWL) March 29, 2019
I texted my husband “I want pizza but I need to go to the gym” in the hopes that he would try and steer me back on the right path and motivate me to go to the gym. But instead he replied “Same, let’s get pizza” and so yes it is true that marriage makes you fat— Hailey (@haileybri23) March 25, 2019
If you ever wanna be humbled, ask your brother how you look— supreem (@syrianting) March 25, 2019
window of time in which I could have easily showered: literally all day— Nicole Chung (@nicole_soojung) March 27, 2019
window of time in which I chose to shower: five minutes before I had to leave my house
me with some hot goss pic.twitter.com/KWJorOsTp6— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) March 24, 2019
there is nothing to fear but fear itself and also losing WiFi— minkstolethisname (@minkpinkustink) March 28, 2019
If you think I haven’t started a wedding reception playlist despite having zero faith I will ever get married, you don’t know me at all— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) March 24, 2019
Me at 19: relates to Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas for pining after a dummy who doesn’t care she exists— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) March 26, 2019
Me at 29: relates to Sally because my body falls apart if I stand up from a chair too fast
plans with girlfriends 2001: picking outfits, sharing shoes, dancing in clubs, talking about sex— ▪️EffYeahSteph▪️ (@eff_yeah_steph) March 28, 2019
plans with girlfriends 2019: eating guacamole in sweats
From here on out every New Yorker cartoon caption should be “you were at my wedding, Denise”— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) March 26, 2019
everyone tells you to drink water but no one tells you that if you drink enough water you’re up at 4 in the damn morning to pee with no hope of falling back asleep— ziwe (@ziwe) March 26, 2019
[ordering a new laptop with all the bells and whistles] boy oh boy I'm gonna watch so much Netflix in bed on this— ɛʀɨռɛʍ (@Mom_Overboard) March 29, 2019