Masha Fante
There are so many hilarious women on Twitter, churning out the good stuff day in and day out. That’s why it’s so hard to browse through every one of their hilarious tweets and select only the funniest ones. It’s a real pain, but someone’s gotta do it! Below are some of the funniest tweets from women this week. Enjoy responsibly.
1.
Game of Thrones is clearly fantasy because the leaders try to deal with the existential threat to humanity first
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) April 29, 2019
2.
Socially im liberal but fiscally im baby
— kendra (@kendraaaleighh) May 2, 2019
3.
I cant afford a gym membership so 😂 pic.twitter.com/uyteBC6s5m
— Dej301 😝 (@_dlew32) April 29, 2019
4.
women: pockets? big enough for a phone and wallet?
— bez (@Bez) May 3, 2019
fashion industry: [twirls long beard hairs] oh we’ll make bigger pockets pic.twitter.com/BL9z8rPACl
5.
“When he fuck me good I take his ass to Panera.” pic.twitter.com/s3mnaodd0k
— Jah. (@Jeesa_Jay) May 2, 2019
6.
i'm whichever meyers briggs type loses interest in finishing the test halfway
— dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) May 1, 2019
7.
Passed a stroller and the baby inside was wearing sunglasses and jabbering on a cell phone with such confidence I’m sure she closed the deal
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) April 27, 2019
8.
The Golden Girls is the most relatable TV show for a millenial, as I too will be renting with several roommates until I'm 80
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) April 30, 2019
9.
I fucking hate my friends pic.twitter.com/9AW5ZFMzdX
— Mear (@issamariumali) April 30, 2019
10.
Wherever all my Tupperware lids are, I truly hope that they are happy
— Samantha 🇨🇦 (@ItsSamG) May 1, 2019
11.
Owned by my boarding pass pic.twitter.com/3RWiWogPWL
— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) May 3, 2019
12.
*shows up 45 minutes late for my interview to be a cable installer*
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) May 1, 2019
Interviewer: “You’re hired.”
13.
[dipping my feather quill into the inkwell and adjusting my spectacles] dearest diary, it seems the day is different but the shit remaineth the same
— kaci sue who (@kacisuewho) April 30, 2019
14.
You had 2 hours to put your shoes on... https://t.co/TDGYz2vwr1
— regn (@itsregn) May 1, 2019
15.
my boyfriend is making me beef stroganoff because he is not only my boyfriend, but also my mother and it is the year 1976
— rax king (@RaxKingIsDead) May 1, 2019
16.
i do one thing a day that scares me. i wake up
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) May 1, 2019
17.
yes it does lmao https://t.co/1T0jEWDsmI
— cayleigh 👼🏻 (@angeryvenus) May 1, 2019
18.
Plants in the wild: taking whatever Mother Nature throws at them and thriving
— Ashley Mayer (@ashleymayer) April 28, 2019
Houseplants: “you watered me on Sunday versus Saturday so now I must die”
19.
I ain’t like these bitches I’m built different 💯 pic.twitter.com/wJycRt9BG2
— izzy ⍣ ⍣ ⍣ ☆ (@izzysmh_) April 29, 2019
20.
How I told my mom I was having a baby 😭 pic.twitter.com/1mRYWH6DTg
— LEEKO (@WholeLottaLeek) April 29, 2019
21.
me talking about youtubemp3converter pic.twitter.com/LK1ZaoWxdx
— amme x (@aebxo) April 30, 2019
22.
“i’m wearing an old college sweatshirt for the first time since i graduated & i think it’s covered in 5 yr old blowjob cum from a guy who sang acapella i actually saw him at a zara 6 months ago but ran away bc i got nervous“- me introducing myself to my seat mates on this plane
— Catherine Cohen (@catccohen) April 28, 2019
23.
My dog just watched me eat a Pepto Bismol tab the way I watched my friend make out with my crush at junior prom
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) May 3, 2019
24.
before that little save feature on insta I would just send everything I wanted to look at again to Ashlee Simpson pic.twitter.com/YpgxfbIbNi
— ǝǝlɥsɐ (@gowlbaby_) April 30, 2019
25.
every shirt Anthony Michael Hall wears in EDWARD SCISSORHANDS looks like something I would willingly spend $65 on from Madewell pic.twitter.com/WCn95VNyqe
— fran hoepfner (@franhoepfner) May 2, 2019
h/t: HuffPost, @KaleSalad