Dean Altman
Do you ever wonder just what God was thinking when he (or she) created weird animals like the duck-billed platypus? I’m kidding, of course, God didn’t invent animals, they evolved, but it’s fun to imagine conversations god had with himself (or herself) and with the angels while coming up with things like kangaroos and giraffes.
People on social media have been making jokes about God creating certain things for years, and here are some of the best ones.
1.
Corgi: why are my legs so short?
God: that’s just what legs look like.
Corgi: oh cool.
[giraffe walks by]
Corgi:
God: you weren’t supposed to see that.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) February 4, 2019
2.
God: you can repeat everything you hear.
Parrot: humans are the worst and I’m probably gonna kill them in a flood soon.
God:
Parrot:
God: what’s it gonna take to keep this quiet?
Parrot: I wanna live in a Tropical Paradise.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) November 21, 2018
3.
[God creating the ocean]
GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere.
ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they—
GOD: Make it undrinkable.— flaubert flav (@themiltron) June 8, 2015
4.
[God creating spiders]
"Make it have 8 legs"
Seems excessive but ok
"And 8 eyes"
You need to calm down a li-
"Give it a butt rope"— regular matt (@matt___nelson) June 18, 2016
5.
GOD: 8
ANGEL: 9!
GOD: We shouldn't do this drunk
ANGEL: 10 lol
GOD: 15!!
ANGEL *mouthful of pizza* 25
GOD: 30!!
CENTIPEDE: *tearing up* stop giving me legs, I look stupid
GOD: ONE HUNDRED LOL
ANGEL: LMAO— Jon (@ArfMeasures) June 4, 2018
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— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) February 6, 2019
6.
God: you can breathe underwater!
Fish: nice.
God: also eat and drink underwater.
Fish: so where do I go to the bathroom?
God:
Fish: just on the land or something?
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) January 13, 2019
7.
adam: [naming the birds] tits
god: lol ok but let's take this a little more seriously
adam: blue-footed boobies
god: you can't name all the birds after boobs
adam: [pointing to rooster] cock
— shen the bird (@Shen_the_Bird) September 23, 2018
8.
GOD: my latest creation will have the body of an ape, the voice box of a parrot, the skin of a pig, and the intelligence of a dolphin. I call it Human, and it will destroy everything else I've made
ANGELS: [confused applause]
— wwwdmmmffnn (@woodmuffin) January 27, 2019
9.
god: i have made Mankind
angels: you fucked up a perfectly good monkey is what you did. look at it. it's got anxiety— Dr Charlotta Lofqvist (@jon_snow_420) October 28, 2015
10.
[God making coconuts]
ANGEL: Hair on the outside?
GOD: Yes
ANGEL: Milk on the inside?
GOD: Yes
ANGEL: So, this is another mammal?
GOD: [taking bong rip] lmao, no
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) February 3, 2019
11.
God: what are they doing down there?
Angel: they are making milk from almonds
God: what?! I gave them, like, 8 animals to get milk from
A: they dont like that milk
God: [mockingly] tHey DonT LiKe THat miLk *flips a table*— The Dad (@thedad) August 20, 2018
12.
13.
Swordfish: my nose looks ridiculous.
God: at least you have a cool name.
Swordfish: so?
God: I could have made you look ridiculous AND have a dumb name.
Swordfish: but why would you do that to someone?
Hammerhead Shark: yes God why would you do that to someone?
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) January 16, 2019
14.
[god creating bees]
Put a needle on its butt.
“Come on God, wha—“
Make its puke delicious.
“WTF.”— flaubert flav (@themiltron) April 8, 2015
15.
God: you’re the largest bird in the world.
Ostrich: really?
God: you can weigh up to 345 lbs.
Ostrich: wow!
God: and run up to 43 mph.
Ostrich: makes sense, gotta get a running start if I’m gonna fly good.
God:
Ostrich: I mean that’s just science.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) January 19, 2019
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— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) February 6, 2019
16.
God: you’re gonna be beautiful your whole life.
Butterfly: yeah I better be.
God: [to Angel] I don’t like his attitude make him an ugly hairy worm for half his life.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) December 21, 2018
17.
[Biblical Times]
God: oh shit
Angel: what?
God: I just realized I've been leaning on the frog button
— robotic crab (beep) (@roboticcrab) October 24, 2018
18.
God *giggling*: They are gonna be so tiny.
Angel *writing*: ants… tiny… got it.
God *suddenly tearing up*: but omg so strong.
— robotic crab (beep) (@roboticcrab) November 23, 2018
19.
GOD: there, my first animal 🙂
SNAKE:youre not done right? How am I supposed to move?
G:like this*shimmies*
S:
G:just kinda*shimmies*
S:dude— tater tot bros (@thetits) February 8, 2016
20.
[god creating mushrooms]
god: some go on pizzas
angel: ooo tasty
god: some make you trip balls
angel: um
god: and some just fucking kill you
angel: you ok buddy?— Skoog (@Skoogeth) July 23, 2018
21.
[God creating cat]
God: make it furry, sees at night, makes cute sound when it’s happy
Angel: sounds like a good pet.
God: and shits in a box]
Angel: little odd, but cleanliness is next to Go…
God: and hates things on counters. #original— Troy Fatout (@teeroy99) February 5, 2019
22.
God: you get to sleep like 20 hours a day.
Sloth: but that’s way too much sleep.
God:
Sloth:
God:
Sloth: yeah no I heard it when I said it.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) February 2, 2019
23.
24.
Octopus: I’m just saying eight legs is too many legs, I look ridiculous.
God: oh. ok. hey snake?
Snake: what’s up?
God: octopus, tell snake what you told me.
Octopus:
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) July 28, 2018
25.
[god creating seahorses]
angel: any more ideas for animals?
god: ok, what if tiny saxophones could swim
— paperwash© (@PaperWash) May 20, 2018
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— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) February 5, 2019
26.
[god creating owls]
Angel: So,…what now?
God: Hmmmm. I want a retractile ball of feathers
A: We can do that
G: And big, disturbing eyes
A: Ok…
G: Also, make it spin its head so it looks posessed
A: I don't think th-
G: And it pukes balls of dead animals
A: But-
G: DO IT, NOW!— Romantic Garbage (@R_P_Nunes) February 13, 2018
27.
*Creating bees*
God: Make then highly beneficial to the ecosystem
Angel: Sure thing, boss
God: Give them the greatest knees of all time
— Krispy Memes Boi (@memes_krispy) February 5, 2019
28.
God: I'm calling this a horse
Angel: Wow you're so clever, creating an animal that can pull carriages, transport goods, and can help plow the fields!
God *just wanted a chair that can run* thanks
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) May 24, 2018
29.
Rooster: please don’t make me say anything ridiculous.
God: like what?
Rooster: I don’t know, something like cock-
a-doodle-don’t.God: [nods to himself] that is pretty ridiculous.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) November 28, 2018
30.
*creation of the kangaroo*
God: Okay so the deer was a big hit let’s work off that
Angel 1: What if it could carry it’s offspring with it for protection
God: Okay that’s kind of weak Sharon but we’ll add it
Angel 2: What if it could kick the shit out of you
God: There it is— Gina (@ginadivittorio) January 25, 2018
31.
*God creating tigers*
"What if an animal had every advantage imaginable"*God creating guinea pigs*
"What if it had none"— Gina (@ginadivittorio) April 4, 2017
32.
[boarding the ark]
Noah: Name?
Bold Eagle: Bold Eagle
Hyena, from the back: more like BALD eagle lmao
Owls: lmao
Noah: lmao *marks down bald eagle*
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) June 8, 2018
33.
[creating babies]
God: Make them tiny and fragile and defenseless, with weak immune systems.
Angel: Um OK …
God: And make it their first instinct to put their mouths on shopping carts.
— Patches (@Mostly_Cheese) February 3, 2019
34.
[God creating animals]
God: I want to create a bag of evil.
Angel: And name it something really sweet.Say hi to the 'Jelly Fish'
— Prakhr Srivastav (@prakhrrrr) February 13, 2018
35.
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36.
[creating animals]
God- I want an animal with 2 humps
Angel- And a cute face?
G- Yes.. And make them spit at humans
A- LOL
G- LOL
— Janie apparently not a nun (@AtticusFinch79) September 23, 2016
37.
God: you’re basically the same animal but one of you is cuddly and cute, and the other is a lying backstabbing bastard.
Otter:
Weasel: I hope I’m the cute one.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) November 5, 2018
38.
plant: so they get to walk around and stuff?
god: [putting finishing touches on animals] yup
plant: i’m GREEN with envy lol
god:
plant:
god: [starts creating herbivores]
— Skoog (@Skoogeth) September 11, 2018
39.
GOD: [at end of a long day creating animals] Ok, what if a cow ate magic mushrooms and saw its reflection in a pond?
ANGEL: *draws giraffe*
GOD: Let’s do it.— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) December 9, 2017
40.
[God creating animals]
God: go forth, multiply, be fertile!
Cow: i will provide man milk & meat
Horse: i will help man travel the land
Dog: i will be mans loyal companion
Gecko: i will help man save 15% on his car insurance, in 15 minutes or less— Ditz McGee (@DitzMcGeee) August 11, 2018
41.
[inventing the parrot]
HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) February 18, 2015
42.
God: you have to give birth.
Male Seahorse: ok. cool.
God: oh. so you aren’t mad?
Male Seahorse: why would I be mad?
God: n-no reason.
Male Seahorse: I’ll just ask the other fish fellas how they do it.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) February 4, 2019
43.
ANGEL: Oh God look at that creature I’m terrified
GOD: Jesus Christ!
ANGEL: Don’t blame your kid. This is all your fault.
CENTIPEDE: look who’s clever now— Alex Harrowell (@yorksranter) June 5, 2018
44.
God: (creating angels) alright now give them a ring
Jesus: ok (dials number) halo?— Charles (@CharlieFlani) February 2, 2019
45.
h/t: Bored Panda
