The Google hearing today turned from funny to funny with a backdrop of “oh god humanity’s not going to make it” when CEO Sundar Pichai had to explain to Steve King that Google does not, in fact, make iPhones. Representative Steve “Corn Hitler” King took up actual seconds in this hearing to claim that advertisements saying mean things about him are popping up while his granddaughter is playing games on her iPhone.
Instead of considering that maybe seven-year-olds aren’t mature enough to have smartphones and certainly don’t need them, he asked the CEO of Google why this thing is happening on a device made by Apple.
See if you can spot the exact moment that Mr. Pichai loses his entire will to live.
“I have a seven-year-old granddaughter who picked up her phone during the election, and she’s playing a little game, the kind of game a kid would play,” says King. “And up on there pops a picture of her grandfather. And I’m not going to say into the record what kind of language was used around that picture of her grandfather, but I’d ask you: how does that show up on a seven-year-old’s iPhone, who’s playing a kid’s game?”
Pichai takes a moment before replying.
“Congressman, the iPhone is made by a different company. And so, you know, I mean…”
King interrupts to remark that “it might have been an Android.”
Yeah, sure, the granddaughter of Steve King uses an Android. Who’s her data provider? Boost Mobile?
The entire hearing was a depressing disaster, but this bit has people descending straight into an existential crisis.
"Can you set the record on my VCR please Mr Google?" https://t.co/fz0OOZ6Zue— Laz,husband of Rachel. Destroyer of Worlds. (@lazaroumterror) December 12, 2018
Morons are running our country. Literal morons. https://t.co/xQsp4ZVH1j— Stonekettle (@Stonekettle) December 11, 2018
america's most racist politician is sun-downing on live TV https://t.co/vszbNsDf9a— True Cranker (@nflstreet4) December 12, 2018
Steve King: "...it might have been an Android.— Stonekettle (@Stonekettle) December 11, 2018
He doesn't know what technology he's complaining about. He literally doesn't know what phone, what operating system, what the actual message was or why it (allegedly) popped up.
But he expects the tech guy to just fix it.
We have people who can’t set up a VCR trying to regulate the largest tech giant in the world. Young people, run for office and do not blink when people ask if you’re too young. https://t.co/NNnMcplCul— Caleb Rountree (@CalebRountree) December 12, 2018
this may be the closest we get to a “Sir, this is an Wendy's drive thru” at a congressional hearing https://t.co/4Mn6FN8TOA— David Rudin (@DavidSRudin) December 11, 2018
(“Curve Your Enthusiasm” theme begins to play)— Bruno Alonso Boza (@BrunoAlonsoBoza) December 12, 2018
Directed by Robert B. Weise
Executive Producer, Larry David
Executive Producer, Jeff Garlin
Executive Producer, Gavin Polone
Co-Executive Producer, Robert B. Weise... https://t.co/egao6UOANM
We are under the total control of these fucking grandpas https://t.co/ITRiIbcyZl— Freon Freak (@flyoverstates) December 12, 2018
Congress is disgustingly unqualified to address any tech issues or topics and its so pathetic https://t.co/xAEImtEquX— Gonzo Ball (@Dgonzales_10) December 12, 2018
When I go on my Facebook, Apple Google’s my Words With Friends, why? https://t.co/4hou0OKapH— kb - NOT Individual-1 (@CaptainLetdown) December 12, 2018
Others were just relieved that Steve King took a small break from being a professional racist.
Maybe learn what an iPhone is before you claim to be the superior race https://t.co/9s5Igj43Of— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) December 11, 2018
"Grandpa, are you a racist?"— Chuck Sudo (@bportseasoning) December 12, 2018
Steve King: "Why would you ask that?"
(Hands him her iPhone.)I
King: son of a... https://t.co/5CWnyYZLHs
Starting to think that maybe it wasn't a great idea to put our government in the hands of America's racist grandpas https://t.co/REsqyn0sXf— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) December 11, 2018
@SteveKingIA if you don’t want your granddaughter to know you’re a racist piece of shit, then don’t be a racist piece of shit. The problem isn’t with the search engine or the “hand me down” phone. It’s with you. #GoogleHearings https://t.co/jYcPdMY89W— Theo Smith (@Theosochill) December 12, 2018
Jesus, this guy is awful...and really racist. Like, really racist. https://t.co/Q3LjnOZn5D— Benjamin Thomas 🦖 (@tyrannosaurx) December 12, 2018
Also, thank you to Matthew Peddie for pointing out the latest sighting of the Monopoly Man.
If you watch the entire hearing, you’ll find that it does not get much better. The only redeeming point is when Representative Ted Lieu (D-California) takes the floor to suggest that if Republicans don’t want negative results to pop up when people google them, they might want to consider doing something positive. You know, instead of endorsing Neo-Nazis for mayor.