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People Are Angry Grace Millane Is Being Shamed For Her Sex Life Even In Death

A 21-year-old woman named Grace Millane was murdered the day before her birthday by a man whose name is being protected by New Zealand law. Though he was convicted, no one knows who he is—so, instead, they’re picking over Millane’s life and sexual history as though she is responsible for her own death.

Millane was on BDSM dating sites and had experimented with choking in the bedroom during sex in the past. This has been made much of in the press, despite many people experienced with BDSM saying that accidentally choking someone to death is not something that really happens.


During the trial, the defense attorneys tried to say that the 27-year-old man she went home with from Tinder killed Millane by accident. However, he purchased a suitcase, put her body into it, and buried it in a shallow grave. He also tried to set up another date on Tinder while laying next to Millane’s dead body, according to the Guardian, and was caught lying because of CCTV recordings showing his movement around the city.

He was ultimately convicted, but the story has sparked a debate about how victim-blaming is being used to smear Millane while her killer remains unknown.


The coverage in the media has been pretty egregious, implying that a 21-year-old who likes to party and have consensual rough sex deserved what happened:

While it’s a relief that Millane has received some justice in the courts, the way her death has been treated by the public shows how much further there is to go when it comes to how a woman’s life is valued.