If you’ve ever been on the r/Relationships page of Reddit, then you are well aware that there are some totally bonkers romantic dilemmas in this world (and you’ve probably left feeling slightly better about yourself, TBH). However, I think r/Relationships may have finally served up a relationship quandary that TRULY steals the cake.
And, naturally, it involves poop.
Let’s start from the top: apparently, a 27-year-old woman’s 28-year-old boyfriend walked in on an (*ahem*) unflushed toilet in her bathroom. He was furious because (*takes deep breath*) he did not believe that the sh*t in question could possibly belong to his girlfriend, and was obviously from some other dude visiting her apartment.
I know. I KNOW.
And it gets better.
The boyfriend walked out in a fit of pique and only considered reconciling if his girlfriend agreed to PROVE that the poop in question belonged to her.
Yes, ladies and gentleman: this man threatened to dump his girlfriend if she didn’t TAKE A DUMP IN FRONT OF HIM.
Obviously, people are shaken.
This was a journey. https://t.co/Nt2lQs58JT— Charlotte Clymer🏳️🌈 (@cmclymer) May 29, 2019
Like, is this really a question? Because the answer as to what you should do is OBVIOUS, girl.
I feel like every r/relationships post should have a default top comment that says: “What the fuck are you doing? Get the fuck out of there!” https://t.co/Q9tx75pwrI
— Meg Turney (@megturney) May 29, 2019
True love means never having to prove your Number 2, y’all.
“we have a healthy, trusting relationship” https://t.co/hVeYogrjSu— Talia Lavin (@chick_in_kiev) May 29, 2019
And if you’re gonna do the dump, you’d better do it right.
take that dump on his pillow
— Talia Lavin (@chick_in_kiev) May 29, 2019
Bottom line: if anyone (ANYONE) asks you to poop in front of them to prove your fidelity, there is only one suitable response — and that is slowly easing out of the door and never returning to their lives ever again.