Who wouldn’t rather lose themselves in a book than have to struggle through a possibly awkward conversation with a human? Books themselves are full of humans and also places, so they’re really the best of both worlds. You can read books over and over again, and they never judge you. I’d rather be stuck with a book than a person on a train any day. So here’s to all the readers out there!
If I were a literary character, I would be the grandpa in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory that doesn't get to go— Timmy™ (@TheTimmyToes) September 27, 2015
You seem like the type of person that says the movie is better than the book.— Annie the Nanny (@AnnietheNanny1) October 17, 2018
Ho ho! Goddamn good thing we didn’t have social media when I was a teenager! The LAST thing I need now is pictures of me reading Lord of the Rings alone in bed popping up and ruining my life.— Elena Lifewaster Jr. (@elunatyk) February 11, 2019
if you have a crush on someone, you can take a risk and tell them or you can change your name, become a count, uncover a massive fortune in gold and jewels buried on a remote isle and slowly avenge yourself on her husband who threw you in prison to die.— the library haunter 🦉🎄❄ (@SketchesbyBoze) February 8, 2019
Dumbledore: “What are your strengths?”— Daniel (@Mr_DrEsquire) October 6, 2018
Hagrid: “Breeding monsters and putting children in imminent danger.”
Dumbledore: “Any convictions?”
Dumbledore: “Can you practice magic?”
Hagrid: “Not legally.”
Dumbledore: “….you’re fucking hired.”
my moms hearing aids are bluetooth wired and she just told me sometimes when she’s in meetings she turns off the listening to people function and just streams audiobooks directly into her ears— big boy (@veryeva) January 21, 2019
*stands outside your window holding a boom box above my head blasting my favorite audiobook*— andrew (@AndrewChamings) May 29, 2018
Candle scents that I would buy:— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) November 19, 2018
1) scholastic book fair
3) the fear of my enemies
The middle initials "R.R.", a ranked list:— Line Art Lionheart (@notalogin) February 28, 2016
1. J.R.R. Tolkien
2. George R.R. Martin
3. The Children R.R. Future
~HOGWARTS~— Elvish Presley (@_elvishpresley_) November 5, 2018
Professor: then just flick your wand and–
Harry Potter: ACCIO MY PARENTS
Professor: err that’s not really how it–
Harry: accio a hug
How fiction are these books? pic.twitter.com/WkUX6LpsN2— n🕳vixv (@novixv) February 3, 2019
was listening to the very hungry caterpillar audiobook in my car and accidentally spent $174.09 at the drive-thru— M@thew (@TweetPotato314) November 12, 2018
HOGWARTS JANITOR: Isn’t there a spell that could clean this up?— Nate Usher (@thenatewolf) November 9, 2018
DUMBLEDORE: [handing him a mop] Yeah but I’m tired.
TOLKEIN: you wrote a book about a mythical land didn’t you?— Guy Incognito (@ShutUpThatsWho) September 1, 2018
LEWIS: yes, the Chronicles of Narnia
TOLKEIN: [writing in a notepad] that’s right. what’s Narnia again?
LEWIS: [leaning in close] Narnia fucken business
Some of you guys didn’t read “The Giving Tree” when you were younger and missed out on the important life lesson about giving too much of yourself to one person and it shows in your toxic ass relationships smh Shel Silverstein would be disappointed— Aol.com (@lukasbattle) January 29, 2019
Ever realised how fucking surreal reading a book actually is? You stare at marked slices of tree for hours on end, hallucinating vividly— Katie (@KatieOldham) December 9, 2014
Priest: Do you read to your kids from the Good Book?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2015
Me: Every night
Priest: What's their favorite part?
Me: When Frodo destroys the ring
Just overheard someone say, "I wish I had a Kindle that never ran out of batteries."— jordan (@jordan_stratton) February 19, 2015
You know. Like a book.
reads book: *favourite character dies*— kylo (@jamjefraser) November 30, 2014
me: maybe if i read this again he won't die this time
You should be able to call into work because you're mourning the end of a really good book.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 16, 2016
"I just tried to make reservations at the library"— dan mentos (@DanMentos) May 4, 2015
You don't need a res-
"Couldn't get one though"
Don't do this
"They were fully booked"
Librarian: can I check you out?— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) January 27, 2015
Me: sure [spins around]
Librarian: I meant your book
Me: oh yea, that makes way more sense
Before books were invented by JK Rowling in 2001, people used to just read the ingredients on shampoo bottles on the train.— Jaz (@jazmasta) September 1, 2013
If you don't touch your face in your author photo, readers might assume you don't have hands. "How did (s)he even write this?" they'll say.— Mike Ingram (@mikeingram00) October 7, 2014
We get it poets: things are like other things— Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) September 8, 2014