Who wouldn’t rather lose themselves in a book than have to struggle through a possibly awkward conversation with a human? Books themselves are full of humans and also places, so they’re really the best of both worlds. You can read books over and over again, and they never judge you. I’d rather be stuck with a book than a person on a train any day. So here’s to all the readers out there!
If I were a literary character, I would be the grandpa in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory that doesn't get to go
— Timmy™ (@TheTimmyToes) September 27, 2015
You seem like the type of person that says the movie is better than the book.
— Annie the Nanny (@AnnietheNanny1) October 17, 2018
Ho ho! Goddamn good thing we didn’t have social media when I was a teenager! The LAST thing I need now is pictures of me reading Lord of the Rings alone in bed popping up and ruining my life.
— Elena Lifewaster Jr. (@elunatyk) February 11, 2019
if you have a crush on someone, you can take a risk and tell them or you can change your name, become a count, uncover a massive fortune in gold and jewels buried on a remote isle and slowly avenge yourself on her husband who threw you in prison to die.
— the library haunter 🦉🎄❄ (@SketchesbyBoze) February 8, 2019
Dumbledore: “What are your strengths?”
Hagrid: “Breeding monsters and putting children in imminent danger.”
Dumbledore: “Any convictions?”
Dumbledore: “Can you practice magic?”
Hagrid: “Not legally.”
Dumbledore: “….you’re fucking hired.”
— Daniel (@Mr_DrEsquire) October 6, 2018
my moms hearing aids are bluetooth wired and she just told me sometimes when she’s in meetings she turns off the listening to people function and just streams audiobooks directly into her ears
— big boy (@veryeva) January 21, 2019
*stands outside your window holding a boom box above my head blasting my favorite audiobook*
— andrew (@AndrewChamings) May 29, 2018
Candle scents that I would buy:
1) scholastic book fair
3) the fear of my enemies
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) November 19, 2018
The middle initials "R.R.", a ranked list:
1. J.R.R. Tolkien
2. George R.R. Martin
3. The Children R.R. Future
— Line Art Lionheart (@notalogin) February 28, 2016
Professor: then just flick your wand and–
Harry Potter: ACCIO MY PARENTS
Professor: err that’s not really how it–
Harry: accio a hug
— Elvish Presley (@_elvishpresley_) November 5, 2018
How fiction are these books? pic.twitter.com/WkUX6LpsN2
— n🕳vixv (@novixv) February 3, 2019
was listening to the very hungry caterpillar audiobook in my car and accidentally spent $174.09 at the drive-thru
— M@thew (@TweetPotato314) November 12, 2018
HOGWARTS JANITOR: Isn’t there a spell that could clean this up?
DUMBLEDORE: [handing him a mop] Yeah but I’m tired.
— Nate Usher (@thenatewolf) November 9, 2018
TOLKEIN: you wrote a book about a mythical land didn’t you?
LEWIS: yes, the Chronicles of Narnia
TOLKEIN: [writing in a notepad] that’s right. what’s Narnia again?
LEWIS: [leaning in close] Narnia fucken business
— Guy Incognito (@ShutUpThatsWho) September 1, 2018
Some of you guys didn’t read “The Giving Tree” when you were younger and missed out on the important life lesson about giving too much of yourself to one person and it shows in your toxic ass relationships smh Shel Silverstein would be disappointed
— Aol.com (@lukasbattle) January 29, 2019
Ever realised how fucking surreal reading a book actually is? You stare at marked slices of tree for hours on end, hallucinating vividly
— Katie (@KatieOldham) December 9, 2014
Priest: Do you read to your kids from the Good Book?
Me: Every night
Priest: What's their favorite part?
Me: When Frodo destroys the ring
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2015
Just overheard someone say, "I wish I had a Kindle that never ran out of batteries."
You know. Like a book.
— jordan (@jordan_stratton) February 19, 2015
reads book: *favourite character dies*
me: maybe if i read this again he won't die this time
— kylo (@jamjefraser) November 30, 2014
You should be able to call into work because you're mourning the end of a really good book.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 16, 2016
"I just tried to make reservations at the library"
You don't need a res-
"Couldn't get one though"
Don't do this
"They were fully booked"
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) May 4, 2015
Librarian: can I check you out?
Me: sure [spins around]
Librarian: I meant your book
Me: oh yea, that makes way more sense
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) January 27, 2015
Before books were invented by JK Rowling in 2001, people used to just read the ingredients on shampoo bottles on the train.
— Jaz (@jazmasta) September 1, 2013
If you don't touch your face in your author photo, readers might assume you don't have hands. "How did (s)he even write this?" they'll say.
— Mike Ingram (@mikeingram00) October 7, 2014
We get it poets: things are like other things
— Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) September 8, 2014