Even if you believe in a Christian God, you have to admit that some of his/her creations are utterly baffling and that some Bible stories leave a bit to be desired in terms of narrative framing. I mean, come on. How do you explain the creation of snakes as anything other than one of God’s “off” days?
If you’re not above poking fun at God or Jesus (and you’re NOT, be honest), then here are some jokes that may very well have you laughing so hard that you’ll probably need to repent just a lil’ bit extra this week:
[God creating spiders]
"Make it have 8 legs"
Seems excessive but ok
"And 8 eyes"
You need to calm down a li-
"Give it a butt rope"
— Corgis Saved: 1 (@matt___nelson) June 18, 2016
[God creating the ocean]
GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere.
ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they—
GOD: Make it undrinkable.
— style rat (@themiltron) June 8, 2015
I'll bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like "Damn, that name's way cooler."
— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) May 1, 2014
Anyone who asks, "Why does God let bad things happen to people" has clearly never purposefully drowned one of their Sims in a pool
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) July 28, 2015
God's Assistant: really? Leather wings on a mouse's body? I think you're just in a bad mood.
God: ALSO MAKE IT BLIND AND SCREECHING
— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) September 1, 2015
[god, creating ducks]
Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) January 15, 2015
"drink my blood" that's wine dude "eat my flesh" um you're weirding me out "i'm god" this is the worst going away party ever
— mustard (@nice_mustard) May 9, 2012
[god creating jellyfish]
how bout an evil bag
— style rat (@themiltron) December 26, 2015
JESUS: so I'm u
JESUS: and ur me
JESUS: I don't get it
GOD: I do
JESUS: how can one of us get it & not the other
— Corgis Saved: 1 (@matt___nelson) May 28, 2015
[god making chimps]
GOD: shrink a gorilla & make it smart
ANGEL: Ok. And what sound should it make?
G: literally just have it fucking scream
— jack (@yungshepardboy) June 13, 2015