Noah: Two? Why two of every animal?
[God whispers in Noah's ear]
Noah: nice lol
— Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) March 30, 2015
[god creating bees]
Put a needle on its butt.
“Come on God, wha—“
Make its puke delicious.
— style rat (@themiltron) April 8, 2015
*knock on door*
“Sir have you found Jesus?”
Uh, no. Goodbye.
*Jesus steps out from behind door with gun*
— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) September 10, 2015
god: u gotta build a boat
noah: can't u build ur own boat.. i mean, ur god
god: [nervously] no i can i just wanna see if u know how
— chuuch (@ch000ch) May 31, 2015
[god creating animals]
ok this ones got a long throat
make it literally just a throat
oh and give it a face
call it a snake
— k e i t h ?? (@KeetPotato) October 2, 2014
[god creating whales]
"I want a fat blue piece of shit with a 20ft dick and it sings underwater. Also get me a beer. No wait five beers"
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) December 16, 2015
God: kill your son
God: holy shit I'm jk
God: I'll probably kill mine tho lol
— paperwash© (@PaperWash) November 11, 2015
*jesus givs u bread*
this is my body
*jesus givs u wine*
this is my blood
*jesus puts ur hand in soggy noodles*
and these r my BRAAAINS ooOO
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) September 16, 2014
[God creating dogs]
Oh these turned out great. Im going to want all of these back at some point
— Ygrene (@Ygrene) March 31, 2016
Wait what do you mean Jesus loves me? Did he say something to you? OMG I'm freaking out right now tell me his exact words.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) December 4, 2013
jesus: what do people call the day i was crucified
me: good friday. we call it "good friday"
jesus: what the fuck
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) April 3, 2015