Church of Scientology leader David Miscavige is only 5’3″.
And while we generally frown upon teasing a man over his height (besides, nearly all of Hollywood is under 6 feet tall), Miscavige is an exception—and not just because he heads the most nefarious cult in the world. I mean, mostly because of that. But also because his wife, Shelly Miscavige, hasn’t been seen publicly since 2007, and nothing has been done about it.
But I digress. Earlier this week, @jules_zu posted a screenshot of his own tweet poking fun at Miscavige’s lack of height next to a screenshot revealing the official Scientology Twitter account had blocked him over his jeer.
😂 LMAO I’M SCREAMING 😂 pic.twitter.com/t7XfOW0iTK— Jules Suzdaltsev (@jules_su) December 19, 2018
He followed it up with subsequent tweets explaining that he isn’t making fun of short men—just short men who are deeply, intrinsically evil and who are also probably wife-murderers.
Folks, it’s okay I’m also short AND the leader of a multi-billion dollar religion based on a science fiction book (The Adventures of Pluto Nash) - so I’m allowed to joke about this.— Jules Suzdaltsev (@jules_su) December 19, 2018
Although I will admit that a lot of you are making straight up “short” jokes and not “short and powerful” jokes. Folks, I— Jules Suzdaltsev (@jules_su) December 19, 2018
“I dont even think they’ve blocked Leah Remini” replied writer Ben Philippe, alluding to the actress who has seemingly dedicated the rest of her life to battling Scientology and demanding answers regarding Shelly Miscavige’s whereabouts.
lol, I don't even think they've blocked Leah Remini.— Ben Philippe (@gohomeben) December 19, 2018
Even Questlove responded.
Man this thread https://t.co/wiJArV6Q0t— Questlove (In E flat) (@questlove) December 19, 2018
Others replied in kind, both with short jokes and Scientology jokes.
They also blocked six flags for enforcing those "Must be this tall to ride" signs— Troy Kaz (@TroydaKaz) December 19, 2018
He was 5’6” back in the day but like 3” of that was body thetans— Will Bryant (@thewillbryant) December 19, 2018
I think he was a little annoyed. A tiny bit peeved. Short of patience.— Anonymouse: #peoplesvote (@twitfacemehere) December 19, 2018
I'd say your comment was beneath his dignity, but damn, I don't think a comment can get that low.
Like saying the Pope is funny looking and then finding that you’ve been blocked by Catholicism.— Ed Solomon (@ed_solomon) December 19, 2018
And also Tom Cruise jokes.
Now wonder Tom Cruise loves him pic.twitter.com/wWNvpdiERb— 𝐀𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐏𝐮𝐭𝐳 (@american_putz) December 19, 2018
So this is why Tom Cruise loves it so much. He’s basically their Yao Ming.— 𝖅𝕬𝕮 𝕮𝖀𝕻𝕻𝕷𝕰𝕾 (@HolyHotDang) December 19, 2018
Had to make Tom Cruise look tall.— Liane Lawton (@LianeLawton2) December 19, 2018
Yea Tom Cruise is 5 foot 7. He's a giant to them.— Nixie Knox (@GetteLynne) December 19, 2018
@stephenlicious omg I didn’t know he was THAT small. No wonder Tom Cruise loves him— Frenemy Whatshertits (@rontasaurus) December 19, 2018
He really does look up to Tom Cruise !!— Sean (@spm530) December 19, 2018
Isn’t that why Tom Cruise joined the Scientology? At 5’7” he doesn’t feel short next to the leader😉— Juha Keskinen (@MacFinn44) December 19, 2018
Maybe that's why Tom Cruise joined, to feel more at peace with his height— cara (@carafeliciaa) December 19, 2018
Ha! The first thing I noticed in the documentaries when I noticed Tom Cruise was towering over him— Joe DeVito near you (@JoeDeVitoComedy) December 19, 2018
The Church ended up replying to the tweet, writing that @jules_su had not actually been blocked and referencing his cover photo, which shows a church sign reading “tweet others as you want to be tweeted.”
Hey Jules, can't blame you for milking this given the reaction, but bud, you weren't and aren't, blocked. Regarding your intial tweet, I'll reference your cover: "Tweet others as you want to be tweeted."— Scientology (@Scientology) December 19, 2018
Whether or not Suzdaltsev had actually been blocked from the get-go is up for debate. One question will forever remain, though: Where in the world is Shelly Miscavige?
How is he able to hold his wife hostage at that height, you’d think she would just step over him and escape— Hans von Spankoffsky, P.I. (@RoveUh) December 19, 2018