Marriage is so rad. Finding someone to spend (supposedly) FOREVER with you? Someone who HAS to give you birthday presents and hug you and listen to all the dumb stuff you say? Honestly, as someone who craves constant attention, this sounds like the best thing ever. On the one hand.
On the other, you don’t get to date other people ever again. And you have to listen to your forever SO talk about the same thing over, and over, (supposedly) forever. And you have to stare at their hairy ears every morning. And you have to deal with them pouring the cereal in after the milk, because they just have to be different.
But you wouldn’t have it any other way.
(…Or would you?)
I didn’t even know I was the loudest cereal eater in the world until I got married.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 27, 2018
*drops some peanut butter on the table*(stares at it)
Husband: You’re not going to eat that, are you?
Me: NO! *eats it*
— Candy Cane Shank 🎄 (@sixfootcandy) August 23, 2018
Boss: I see your wife visited the office again.
Me (picking up throw pillows): Yep
— Boyd’s Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) August 16, 2018
After years of secrecy and arising suspicion, my husband finally caught me in the act of shaving my toes.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 20, 2018
wife & I started scheduling date night between midnight & 7am, we just sleep the whole time, but at least we’re doing something together
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) August 11, 2018
Wife: [reaches for the fries on my plate]
Me: [slides grocery divider between plates]
Wife: you said you didn’t take that from the store.
Me: and you said you didn’t want any fries but here we are.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) August 16, 2018
My wife just asked me to build a new deck like I’m Jesus or something.
— Dan (@dadopotamus) August 26, 2018
Being a husband means that sometimes you are required to answer questions like, “What’s the name of the guy from the place who does the thing?”
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 30, 2018
If you don’t start a fight with your husband because he’s underreacting to something that you’re overreacting to, then you’re not wife-ing it like me.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) August 17, 2018
Me: hey babe, can you get me th-
Husband: I can’t find it
— not the WORST mom 🤷🏽♀️ (@nottheworstmom) August 8, 2018