A Twitter user named Heather Thompson shared a story that really touched a nerve amongst women who have experienced similar conflicts. Thompson said when she was 19, her 45-year-old boss told her she should be a phone sex operator, and she had the perfect response:
When I was 19 my boss said I should be a phone sex operator & laughed.
I said “I don’t get it”
He said “it’s a joke”
I said “explain it to me”
& that’s how I learned that once sexual harrassers have to explain why their inappropriate jokes are funny, they stop laughing.
Once she asked him to explain the joke, he stopped laughing.
It was my boss at a radio station. He was probably 45. I was 19. 😖
— Heather Thompson Day (@HeatherTDay) November 8, 2019
Thompson says she knew what to do because her dad prepared her for the eventuality of being harassed. It’s sad that he had to do that, but Thompson says it helped her over her entire life:
My dad just told me “never laugh. They will mistake your nervous laughter as compliance. Instead, pretend you don’t get it, and watch them explain to you why you should be laughing.” I’ve used this advice my whole life since.
— Heather Thompson Day (@HeatherTDay) November 8, 2019
Even more unfortunately, there were so many responses to Thompson of stories from women who were harassed in a similar way. Some responded the way Thompson did, some didn’t know what to do. But they found asking men to explain their offensive comments they called “jokes’ usually neutralized them.
I was 12 in a Bodega and dude behind the counter saw my top which had “58” on it asked me, “is that how may men you been with?” He laughed. I didn’t. I was stunned and disgusted.
I left and got my mom. She stormed in and demanded to know what was so funny? He stopped laughing.
— Valerie (@MommyRandR) November 8, 2019
And, pokerfaced, I told him back,’ I am aware. You’re not the first to make the joke nor the last. Cash or Card?’
I made a grown, veteran, 60 something year old man walk the walk of shame that day.
I didn’t mean to but, after being hit by old men constantly, it gets tiring.
— ✨Sky the Daily Dreamer✨ (@Skylightwings) November 8, 2019
Barf. At 17 I wouldn’t even have a clue how to respond.
— Lori Rusek (@escribidorilori) November 8, 2019
Ew!!!! Wtf?!
— Haggetha (@haggetha) November 8, 2019
My face when I read what he said pic.twitter.com/OSpGrpo8oB
— HOME 12/15🇧🇸🦩 (@_Hillstar_) November 8, 2019
See, this kind of stuff is why I can’t eat certain things around guys. Ice cream, I always get in a bowl & use a spoon. Bananas, I rarely eat them anyway, but when I do I always cut them up in pieces. Too many normal things get made vile by ppl who don’t know how to shut up
— Miri ⁹’⁰ ~ Missing Wonho 🖤 (@promisanii) November 9, 2019
And they make you feel like if you say something you are dramatic “it was just a joke” 💆🏽♀️
— Heather Thompson Day (@HeatherTDay) November 8, 2019
OH MY GOODNESS!! Hahaha as young as 13 and women have to learn how to deal with this stuff! My first inappropriate behavior from an adult male was at 13 too😖.
— Heather Thompson Day (@HeatherTDay) November 8, 2019
Your mom was a BOSS
— JayBird (@JayBird1119) November 9, 2019
How is Sarah a stripper name!?!! LoL??! Like whattt?
— Heather Thompson Day (@HeatherTDay) November 8, 2019
Perfect. OMG! Yes! We should all carry a frigging book, whip it out, and do this: pic.twitter.com/XOz5k34uk8
— What in Tarnation (@PattyAbby) November 9, 2019
I left my welding course because of him and left my internship because of other men like him and had to face the disappointment of my father coz I had to lie about why I was leaving and I really enjoyed welding and couldn’t even complete it and get my full papers
— Chelsey (@Cleona234) November 8, 2019
Others chimed in to say this is useful in situations where people are making homophobic or racist jokes.
I also love frustrating people when they call something “gay,” “Oh! That’s homosexual??”
“😬That’s not what I mean!”Doesn’t really teach them anything, but annoys the crap out of them so they say it less around me.
— Renaissance_Vixen (@RenaissanceVixn) November 8, 2019
Once they’ve been forced to THINK about what they’re saying, they never do it again. It works for a lot of groups– peers, creepy bosses, kids. Nothing like cheerfully asking why something’s funny and not giving up till you get an answer!
— Rhi 🎉 (@qwertyuiorhi) November 8, 2019
And folks shared other techniques in the same line, but these involved nudes:
We did this at our workplace too. We adked for the naked women ppsters to be removed. Denied. So we put up heaps of naked men and the guys were all .. why would you do that, its gross! And then ALL the posters came down. Win.
— 💧Kim Gould (@KimGould) November 9, 2019
I’ve started doing that with my mom.
— Malarkey the Whistleblower (@cbrodrick) November 8, 2019
When people are asked to explain their bad behavior, they actually have to reflect on it and realize the joke’s on them.