Alison Sullivan
There’s this thing called “negging” that became popular during the rise of “pick up artist” culture. It’s when somebody pays you a compliment that’s kind of an insult. Supposedly, negging someone makes them feel insecure, which in turn makes them want to please you, so they try to connect with you.
It’s sort of like reverse psychology. And we all know what it is, so it’s time for bros to stop trying this when they want a date.
Seriously, it’s embarrassing and makes you look like dumbass. And here is a perfect example of it: a woman named Lauren Mc Keown shared a few screenshots of a conversation she had with a guy on Hinge that’s basically a textbook case of a failed neg.
A guy named Mikey responded to a fact on her profile about how she worked at NASA. At first he said “that’s cool,” which is a good start. It is very cool to work at NASA. Things went downhill from there.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I am single ??♀️ pic.twitter.com/E3XHNLZXan
— Dr Lauren Mc Keown (@mclaurenseries) August 14, 2019
After Mc Keown accepted his chat, Mikey decided to try a lighthearted joke that insults both her intelligence and her looks.
“So what are you, like the receptionist?” he asks. Wait. He wasn’t done.
“JK you look reasonably smart,” Mikey added. Jeez Louise, just say I’m too insecure to date and go.
Mc Keown did not just giggle and do a hair flip in response.
“Smart enough to know at least that judging a woman’s intelligence by her looks might not be the best way to start a conversation,” she said. “PS my mother is a primary school receptionist and she is the wisest, most inspirational and kindest person I know. So much so in fact, my PhD thesis in planetary science is dedicated to her.”
FINISH HIM!
Everyone recognized a neg when they saw it, but it seems like an especially touchy subject for women scientists, who are facing sexism both within and without their profession:
I think it’s something we don’t talk about much on here – that people still THINK it’s a compliment to imply your appearance doesn’t align with “how a scientist looks”. The most infuriating part is this guy probably thought he was implying I looked good by that statement
— Dr Lauren Mc Keown (@mclaurenseries) August 14, 2019
He was just trying to neg you. Clearly he's not good at it. 🙂
— Fabrizio Romano Genovese (@fabgenovese) August 14, 2019
Yes and no. The idea is that a neg is a way to signal lack of validation. It's a light insult wrapped in a compliment to create curiosity in the other person.
A neg shouldn't be really insulting:
This guy clearly was not negging but insulting, but I see what he was trying to do.— Fabrizio Romano Genovese (@fabgenovese) August 14, 2019
Ugh. Once had a guy break up with me after I gave him a tour of where I was working on a Mars mission because he said he thought I was lying about working for NASA and he has to be the smarter one in the relationship. Wtf
— Keri Bean (@PlanetaryKeri) August 14, 2019
Worst part was he tried to pass it off as a joke and “I shouldn’t take myself too seriously” ??#block
— Dr Lauren Mc Keown (@mclaurenseries) August 14, 2019
The tweet quickly went viral, and the doctor’s inbox was flooded by marriage proposals and whiny dudes, which is probably the opposite of what she wanted.
[2] and to the lads taking my tweet as an invite for marriage proposals in my inbox, you (maaaaay) have missed the point ? society, pour me a cuppa tea, we need to have a chat ?
— Dr Lauren Mc Keown (@mclaurenseries) August 15, 2019
Society, pour this scientist a cuppa tea!