Ah, kids! They’re small and delightful, except for when they’re little monsters. (Thankfully, evolution has provided them with ways to seem adorable so we don’t just chuck them in the trash and move on with our lives.) Of course, they can also be dumb in hilarious ways.
Redditor burn_furries asked the parents of Reddit, “What was your ‘I raised an idiot’ moment?” and it turns out there are a lot of little morons running around out there.
The children are definitely our future, but these kids sort of make me wonder how the human race survived this long in the first place.
1. This kid could starve in a supermarket.
“He knew there was a frozen pizza in the garage but couldn’t find it. Didn’t even think to check the freezer.” –axnu
2. Children can be cruel (and dumb).
“When one of my daughters tries to insult the other by telling her how ugly she is. They’re identical twins.” –AsBigAsAlone
3. Make sense, in a way.
“Told my kid that carrots help you see in the dark, he then went into the basement with a carrot and started waving it around like a flashlight.” –rsquirrl
4. Sex ed is not like driver’s ed.
“When my son was disappointed by sex ed class. He thought they were going to learn some moves.” –lilarose8
5. It all tastes like chicken anyway.
“At age 15, at the market, she was asked to get a large chicken, and she came back with a turkey. When I asked her to return the turkey and get a large chicken, she revealed that she thought that Turkeys were literally adult chickens, and that chickens were young turkeys.” –IL0VEAMERICA
6. Flawless logic.
“My son yelled at me from outside to come get his toy from the grass (he was standing in the driveway). When I asked why he couldn’t get it himself he explained he was only wearing one shoe. When I asked why he was only wearing one shoe he replied that he could only find one sock.” –southernfriedfossils
7. Sweet, but dumb.
“My 13 year old son was sniffing really hard and moving his head all around the area he was standing in. Slightly concerned he had lost his mind, I asked him what he was doing. He told me, ‘I farted. I’m trying to smell it all up, so you dont have to smell it.’” He’s a thoughtful idiot. –rjonesjcm33
8. Could be a ghost?
“I heard a noise in my kitchen and I went in there and there was flour all over the floor and all over my kid. And he was like ‘not me.’” But I think it probably was him.” –throwawaysmetoo
9. Does that mean Captain Hook is real too?
“When the Peter Pan Peanut Butter recall happened 10-12 years ago or so (due to salmonella) my then-15 year old daughter came in from school and as she was walking past the living room (tv was on) she stopped and watched the news report about the salmonella outbreak. She got this “ah-ha” lightbulb moment and said, “oh, now I get it! It’s about peanut butter! All day at school I kept hearing Peter Pan was killing people around the country and I thought he had turned bad or something and was now a villain.” I just stared at her waiting for her to say she was joking and didn’t really think Peter Pan was real, but no, she just went upstairs to her room like we just had a normal conversation about normal, every-day events.” –mazexii33
10. This is not how the game works.
“Playing hide and seek with my 3 year old daughter. She tells me to count, she’s going to hide in her tent. ‘Daughter, you aren’t supposed to tell me where you’re hiding!’ She repeats she’s going to hide in the tent, then runs away while I go count. Then I start walking through the house, shouting ‘where’s daughter? Where is she?’ And she proceeds to shout, from her tent ‘I’m over here! I’m in the tent!’” –joem2002
11. When a sign is smarter than your son.
“When we were looking at the map in a theme park which had a ‘You are here’ arrow and he said “How does it know?”…” –pauliehaha
12. Future Darwin Award winner.
“When they mistook a leaky radiator hose for smoke. No problem it kind of looks the same. They continued to drive the car home thinking it was on fire then… pulled it into the garage that is attached to the house!” –Dugillion
13. This stops being cute when you’re a teenager.
“My brother couldn’t remember the proper name for shoes so he called them ‘foot houses’. Mum confirmed that day that at least one of her teenage children was a bit doughy up top.” –horsearse17
14. Is he dumb or did he save you some money?
“I used to pay the guy who took care of the yard for me by writing a check, putting it in a baggie, and sticking it under the mat. One weekend I was on the phone while writing the check, so I asked my son to put the check in the baggie under the mat for me. I went on with the conversation and forgot about it.
A few days later, the guy who takes care of the lawn calls me up and says he looked everywhere but can’t find the check. While we are talking, I open the door and lift up the mat, and no check. He says, you are really great customers, so I was surprised that the check wasn’t there. I was surprised too!
I look around, behind bushes, under a decoration, no check. THEN, I try to think like my son… I look under the mat INSIDE the front door, and there’s the check! We still laugh about it.” –Wuzzupdoc42
15. At least the dog is ok?
“My 11 year old put a bumblebee in his pocket ‘so the dog wouldn’t eat it.’ It stung him.” –Greenvalley1
16. Makes sense.
“My son asked if life was in black & white like his grandmas movies.” –hidinginplainsite13
17. Cats: how do they work?
“My son came to our house to visit (he didn’t live with us), we weren’t home but we on our way home so he let himself in. We walk in and he’s freaking out about breaking our newly adopted cat or something to that effect. I asked him what was she doing, she looked fine to me. He said she was “vibrating” when she sat on his lap. This is where he learned about cats purring. He hadn’t been around a lot of cats so idk.” –wydidk
18. The instructions were unclear.
“3 year old is preparing for his bath. His underwear looks strange but I’m distracted [by] his brother. Kid takes off one pair of underwear, then a 2nd pair, then a 3rd. I ask why he is wearing 3 pairs of underwear. Kid looks at me like I’m an idiot, ‘Mom told me to put on a clean pair every day’.” –diesel_coondog
“He looked at my wife and said, ‘mom, what kind of animal is Mickey Mouse?’” –sharkdrivingabus
20. His superpower is being dumb.
“When my youngest son, who was 10 at the time, was getting his ears checked at the pediatrician and they found a ‘foreign object’ in his left ear. Said object was a dead housefly. Because he thought sticking a fly in his ear would give him flying powers. He had caught it and shoved it in there alive about a week prior.” –Padfoottheguardcat
21. Wait, this kid is actually a genius.
“4 y.o. daughter and I are alone in the house, making cookies in the kitchen. She lets out a fart so foul that it almost made me gag. I say out loud that it was a really smelly one, to which she answers with a straight face: ‘yes, mommy, next time do it outside.’” –Creepy_Onions
h/t: Ask Reddit