If you tried to think of three funny conservatives before your next meal you’d starve to death.
Conservative comedians are a rare breed. There’s just something about the slurry of dogmatism, religiosity, and close-mindedness inherent to American conservatism that doesn’t lend itself to funny or original thinking. It’s wild.
As such, conservative attempts at comedy tend to be sour, poorly rendered copies of regular comedy and wincingly bad. The latest such attempt is “Headlines Tonight With Drew Berquist” a web series produced by the conservative One America News Network in the format of the Daily Show or Last Week Tonight.
The only problem is it’s immediately apparent that no one at “Headlines Tonight” knows how to write a joke, so the show is instead stuffed with long setups that have no punchlines and punchlines that are just repetitions of the setup.
Here are some of the ~jokes~ from the show in case you don’t have 8 minutes of your life to waste:
- AOC said the word “ain’t” and is racist.
- Julian Assange needs a haircut.
- Julian Assange looks like Tom Hanks in Castaway.
- Julian Assange looks like Gandalf.
- And a genuinely confusing bit comparing a story about a poacher killed by lions to the Jussie Smollett story for no apparent reason.
The host’s delivery of these non jokes is painful and is unhelpfully accompanied by a poorly-timed laugh track that erupts at odd moments and is silent at others. Even the recording doesn’t sound enthusiastic about this show.
If you’re a masochist you can watch the whole first episode here:
Needless to say the response from people used to seeing funny videos that are actually funny was not kind.
Really tight stuff outta the gate – only like 40 seconds of setup to get to the kind-of punchline! https://t.co/yXnwq9NqgF
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) April 23, 2019
"Why aren't there more conservative comedians?" https://t.co/AllLaqVcOk
— Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) April 23, 2019
Holy shit… was this made on a dare? https://t.co/nytc0FteKB
— Dan Fritschie: Professional Smartass (@FritschieComic) April 24, 2019
Robert, buddy, you forgot to upload the clip of the comedy show. https://t.co/Wf4bwhXCCF
— Thoughtslime (@doubleplusgoo) April 24, 2019
Classic setup here. You play a clip and then the host repeats a line from the clip, except now it's the punchline. I think this concept's got legs.
— Jimmy Bowman (@jimmy_bowman) April 24, 2019
In 8th grade, my friends would frequently bring me to some hot new band's concert. I would be too embarrassed to reveal I didnt know the music, so I'd try to "sing along" to songs I'd never heard before by mouthing random words.
That's what it's like when conservatives do comedy https://t.co/NbmVq0K6Fz
— Jon Bershad (@JonBershad) April 26, 2019
Frankly, people were downright stunned by how bad it was.
Damn! This sucks!
— Matt Christman (@cushbomb) April 24, 2019
This really sucks
— Joe Randazzo (@Randazzoj) April 23, 2019
Looks like shit
— 17 follower guy whose pinned tweet is a reply (@boring_as_heck) April 23, 2019
So are the jokes added in later or something?
— Steve DiMatteo (@steve_dimatteo) April 24, 2019
It’s not the first time conservatives have taken a disastrous stab at political comedy and, sadly, it probably won’t be the last.
"Why isn't there a conservative SNL?"
Because this is what happens when they try https://t.co/gx22PesZ4A
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) April 23, 2019