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OB-GYNs On Reddit Are Sharing The Bizarre Questions They’ve Gotten From Pregnant Patients

Polish lawmakers voted last week to advance a bill that could criminalize sexual education in the country. But if a recent Reddit thread is any indication, that was a seriously bad move.

Over on r/AskReddit this week, u/oasqss posed this question to midwives and gynecologists: “What’s the weirdest thing you heard from a pregnant woman or her family that made you think they had no prior sexual/medical education?”

What followed was a cringeworthy—but not altogether unsurprising—thread of bizarre questions OB-GYNs and other health professionals have been asked by pregnant patients. While we’d like to think the queries came from anxious mamas-to-be, the current state of sex education (or the lack thereof) is probably partly to blame.

Here are some of the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) entries in the Reddit thread of weirdest pregnancy questions.

1.

We had a woman come to triage one day, in no visible distress, but certain that she was in labor. She denied feeling any loss of fluid, contractions, or pain. When questioned further, she explained that she was already “dilated 4.” She was accompanied by her granny, who explained that SHE had checked her granddaughter at home and she was able to fit four fingers inside the vagina, so she knew it was time. Not in the cervix, in the vagina. ScrubCap

2.

I once talked to a pregnant woman who had come to an appointment for her mother, who I was seeing. The woman was largely pregnant with twins and chomping on ice chips. I asked her why, because sometimes that can be a sign of anemia and I would have told her to make sure to bring it up with her OB/GYN. She told me she always ate ice chips … because she was allergic to water. Her mother agreed. blueseastar

3.

I had a girl call the office because she swallowed a cherry seed and was worried that the baby was going to choke on it. kellywithayy

4.

I had a cousin that had a friend that told her a way to save money was to stop taking her birth control for six months. Friend told her that birth control pills were still effective for six months after taking them. As you can guess, she ended up pregnant. It was the only reason we found out about her genius money-saving plan. JBSConCarne

5.

Two of my favorites: What day of the week do I need to have sex to have a boy? Do you microchip babies after birth? bambiscrubs

6.

In medical school, we had a pregnant woman come to establish obstetric care. She said she was using condoms for birth control and was really puzzled why they didn’t work. How was she using her condoms? She was swallowing them as medicine. Division_J

7.

When my great-grandmother went into labor with her first child at 18, she asked how the baby was going to come out and the midwife said, “the same way it went in love.” —ThePsychicHotline

8.

Not a midwife, but did have an acquaintance who got pregnant while her husband was in the Army deployed. She had convinced her husband that they needed to try and get pregnant. So how do they resolve the issue of long distance and time? They concocted the plan of using a turkey baster, where the husband actually mailed a package of his little soldiers to her and she used the baster on herself to impregnate herself. No doctors were consulted during this time. And this story all came to light in divorce court when someone actually convinced the husband the baby was not his. Wald0Found

9.

Very young girl (barely 13) came in for symptoms of a UTI. Pregnancy test came back positive. Her and her mother claimed that could not be possible because “you can’t get pregnant until you’re 18.” When asked why they thought that, Mom said “Well, if that wasn’t the case, why would they put warnings for pregnant people on cigarette packs?” And the daughter genuinely thought that “only grown ups can have babies.” AugustDarling

10.

When I was a medical student on my OB rotation, I saw a young girl who was pregnant but swore that it was impossible. I asked if she was on any birth control and she said that she didn’t need it. She said that her boyfriend was kicked in the balls … a lot. icjp

11.

I do ultrasound. When I was a student, I did a rotation at a small OB-GYN clinic. One day, a woman and her husband came in for a pelvic ultrasound. They had come to see the doctor because they were having trouble conceiving. They said they had been having sex regularly for almost a year, and had not gotten pregnant. My instructor asked the patient if she was on medications (standard question). “Only my birth control pills.” In a year of trying to get pregnant, neither she nor the husband had thought maybe she should stop taking her birth control. tolkiensghost

12.

Not a doctor, but was over at a friend’s house and heard a girl talking about how she heard if you eat the stems from weed then you won’t get pregnant. She announced her pregnancy a couple months later. Discord_Chat

13.

I’m a midwife. I was booking a woman at the beginning of her pregnancy and she wasn’t exactly pleased about being pregnant. I asked her if she was sure she wanted to continue the pregnancy (there’s no point me booking her if she wants a termination). She starts ranting about how it was the soft drink’s industry’s fault and how she’s going to sue them. I was pretty confused at this point and asked her what she meant. She informed me that she had been washing her vagina out with cola following sex and that she must have bought a bad batch, as she was now pregnant. victhemaddestwife

14.

Dad was a high-risk OB-GYN. Once had to argue with a woman that her daughter emphatically did not get pregnant from swallowing. Despite her protests that her daughter was a virgin, to which my dad replied he was only aware of one previous virgin birth in history. spacemanspiff30

15.

My dad was a GP (he retired about 10 years ago). He had a couple—lovely people, very young, a bit unworldly—come to see him to discuss their failure to conceive, about 30 years ago, when I was 10 or so. He was bright enough to ask what they were doing in bed. They had BOTH somehow come to the conclusion that what was needed to make a baby was penis/belly-button contact. I have no idea how anybody was getting any satisfaction, or how on earth they kept believing this after doing it once—it must have been a horrible experience. He explained (literally) the facts of life to them, and on coming home had THE TALK with me and my brother, just in case we were also stupid. The couple in question ended up with two kids. Good ol’ Dad. centopar

16.

I had someone I was really good friends with tell me the jumping-up-and-down trick after sex was as good as condoms. SurakiDK

And we saved the best for last:

17.

Can she really come out of my butt? More_storytime