AOC Responds To Absurd Attack From US Senator

In news that is somehow not from The Onion, Republican Senator Mike Lee took to the Senate floor today with a large poster of what was absolutely Ronald Reagan riding on the back of a velociraptor that is holding an American flag while Reagan is firing a machine gun. Also, the deceased former president has a rocket launcher strapped to his back, which Lee specifically points out in a video clip that will leave you wondering which time traveler did what to land us in this absurd timeline.

“This is, of course, a picture of former President Ronald Reagan, naturally firing a machine gun while riding on the back of a dinosaur,” says Lee. Of course, please do go on. “You’ll notice a couple of important features here. First of all, the rocket launcher strapped to President Reagan’s back, and then the stirring, unmistakeable patriotism of the velociraptor holding a tattered American flag — a symbol of all it means to be an American.”

Naturally. The image of a dead president riding a flag-holding dinosaur is what we all associate with the American way of life.

Apparently, this stunt was an attempt to attack the viability of the Green New Deal, basically claiming that a series of ideas that have already been successfully implemented in other countries to help save the human species from climate-related annihilation is exactly as absurd as Ronald Reagan coming back from the dead with his pal the patriotic velociraptor and firing off a machine gun in celebration.

But he wasn’t done. Lee spent 14 minutes of precious time evoking Star Wars creatures and something about Aquaman.

“In a future without air travel, how are we supposed to get around the vast expanses of, say, Alaska, during the winter? I’ll tell you how. Tauntauns, Mr. President. This is a beloved species of reptomammals, native to the ice planet of Hoth. They’re perhaps not as efficient in some ways as airplanes or snowmobiles, these hairy bipedal species of space lizards offer their own unique benefits. Not only are Tauntauns carbon-neutral, but according to a report a long time ago and issued far, far away, they may even be fully recyclable and usable for their warmth on a cold night.”

Actually, Mike, a lot of people living in Alaska do use animals to get around, but they usually just go with sled dogs. Calm down, drama queen.

This is all part of a hysteria campaign by the right to claim that the Green New Deal will outlaw airplanes and cars and cows and buildings and your grandma’s famous apple pie, specifically. It’s all a lot of nonsense, but dealing in nonsense is what Republicans do.

Lee finished up by saying that, obviously, the solution to climate change is to “fall in love, get married, and have some kids.” Because the real heroes are not the people trying to save us all from starvation due to mass droughts and loss of pollinators, but the people having kids. The same kids who will definitely not be dead before the climate hammer drops and who will resent all of us, especially Mike Lee, for not doing enough (or much of anything, really) to stop the climate apocalypse.

Brilliant as always, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the brains behind the Green New Deal, decided to put a positive spin on this embarrassment to humanity.

Help us, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. You’re our only hope.

Needless to say, people were not amused by Mike Lee’s shenanigans in the way that he probably hoped.

It’s been a good day for the Reagan’s Raptor Twitter account.