In news that is somehow not from The Onion, Republican Senator Mike Lee took to the Senate floor today with a large poster of what was absolutely Ronald Reagan riding on the back of a velociraptor that is holding an American flag while Reagan is firing a machine gun. Also, the deceased former president has a rocket launcher strapped to his back, which Lee specifically points out in a video clip that will leave you wondering which time traveler did what to land us in this absurd timeline.
“This is, of course, a picture of former President Ronald Reagan, naturally firing a machine gun while riding on the back of a dinosaur,” says Lee. Of course, please do go on. “You’ll notice a couple of important features here. First of all, the rocket launcher strapped to President Reagan’s back, and then the stirring, unmistakeable patriotism of the velociraptor holding a tattered American flag — a symbol of all it means to be an American.”
Naturally. The image of a dead president riding a flag-holding dinosaur is what we all associate with the American way of life.
Apparently, this stunt was an attempt to attack the viability of the Green New Deal, basically claiming that a series of ideas that have already been successfully implemented in other countries to help save the human species from climate-related annihilation is exactly as absurd as Ronald Reagan coming back from the dead with his pal the patriotic velociraptor and firing off a machine gun in celebration.
But he wasn’t done. Lee spent 14 minutes of precious time evoking Star Wars creatures and something about Aquaman.
“In a future without air travel, how are we supposed to get around the vast expanses of, say, Alaska, during the winter? I’ll tell you how. Tauntauns, Mr. President. This is a beloved species of reptomammals, native to the ice planet of Hoth. They’re perhaps not as efficient in some ways as airplanes or snowmobiles, these hairy bipedal species of space lizards offer their own unique benefits. Not only are Tauntauns carbon-neutral, but according to a report a long time ago and issued far, far away, they may even be fully recyclable and usable for their warmth on a cold night.”
Mike Lee, having a normal one pic.twitter.com/dY07FEAX3D— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) March 26, 2019
Actually, Mike, a lot of people living in Alaska do use animals to get around, but they usually just go with sled dogs. Calm down, drama queen.
This is all part of a hysteria campaign by the right to claim that the Green New Deal will outlaw airplanes and cars and cows and buildings and your grandma’s famous apple pie, specifically. It’s all a lot of nonsense, but dealing in nonsense is what Republicans do.
"This is the real solution to climate change: babies...the solution to so many of our problems at all times and in all places is to fall in love, get married, and have some kids." -@SenMikeLee on @AOC and @SenMarkey's Green New Deal pic.twitter.com/QdDEZJFIYs— Justice Democrats (@justicedems) March 26, 2019
Lee finished up by saying that, obviously, the solution to climate change is to “fall in love, get married, and have some kids.” Because the real heroes are not the people trying to save us all from starvation due to mass droughts and loss of pollinators, but the people having kids. The same kids who will definitely not be dead before the climate hammer drops and who will resent all of us, especially Mike Lee, for not doing enough (or much of anything, really) to stop the climate apocalypse.
Brilliant as always, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the brains behind the Green New Deal, decided to put a positive spin on this embarrassment to humanity.
Like many other women + working people, I occasionally suffer from impostor syndrome: those small moments, especially on hard days, where you wonder if the haters are right.— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) March 26, 2019
But then they do things like this to clear it right up.
If this guy can be Senator, you can do anything. https://t.co/vU4ChbTnnr
Help us, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. You’re our only hope.
Needless to say, people were not amused by Mike Lee’s shenanigans in the way that he probably hoped.
Mike Lee: Climate change? Look at how ridiculous that is. People believe that? lolz— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) March 26, 2019
Also Mike Lee: [bases entire belief system on goofy religion] https://t.co/lCCOULPMpC
There are people dying all around the world because of climate change right now. Today. We don’t have time for people like @SenMikeLee, who has the nerve to call those pushing the Green New Deal unserious. https://t.co/Bz8qwMwywW— Jamil Smith (@JamilSmith) March 26, 2019
Even if he had a point, Mike Lee just introduced a bill to force new parents to forfeit social security benefits if they take parental leave. https://t.co/xGFEBTUnX8— Every Billionaire Is A Policy Failure (@DanRiffle) March 26, 2019
1) Don't use the geeky things I love as props in your ignorance.— Geek "I have nothing to prove to you."Girl Diva (@geekgirldiva) March 26, 2019
2) Mike Lee's solution is "Make more babies". Because they'll save us from the devastation of climate change.
Also, you don't need to "fall in love, get marrried" to make babies, Mike. Do you even science? https://t.co/5Slr9qtgU1
AOC: “Here is my climate change proposal”— Connor ? (@connorfletcher) March 26, 2019
*Mike Lee singing “All You Need is Love” by The Beatles*
Ben Shapiro: “Mike Lee would OWN AOC with FACTS and LOGIC in 30 seconds or less” pic.twitter.com/iV90bFzyvU
Idiocracy scenes are getting way too close to actually happening. pic.twitter.com/sOvhXPsrnM— Scott Santens (@scottsantens) March 26, 2019
In the image discussed, Ronald Reagan is holding a German MP7 sub-machine gun, and has what appears to be a Russian RPG. That is not very patriotic. Also I have my suspicions that the Velociraptor was the product of Chinese cloning experiments. Mike Lee needs to do his homework.— Open Source Sauce (@osintsauce) March 26, 2019
Tide pods aren’t just for the kids I guess.— skiles (@rayskikle) March 26, 2019
He obviously has no friends. The moment I tell my friends, "I got this idea for a velociraptor..." That's the moment 1of my friends backhands me for my own good.— Dona E. Bowens (@DonaBowens) March 26, 2019
This is what happens when you hit happy hour on Tequila Tuesdays before the big presentation.— WhiskeyWithMetal (@metalfuel) March 26, 2019
The best argument for bringing back dinos is they would probably eat these guys when they tried to ride them.— Ron Swaggard (@RASwaggard) March 26, 2019
In this clip there appears to be an extinct monster. It’s Mike Lee— Seth Goodtime (@SethGoodtime) March 26, 2019
Yo @TheOnion we appreciate all of your hardwork but we don’t really need you anymore.— Reggie Coachman (@ReggieCoachman) March 26, 2019
and people ask why there are those of us who lose faith in government— feigningwhoop (@Feveredpitch) March 26, 2019
Days without being embarrassed for our country...0— Nicole✌? (@nini402) March 26, 2019
Surprised he didn't pull out an ark, stuffed animals and a man named Noah.— kn (@econgirl5) March 26, 2019
If he can drop acid before going onto to the Senate floor, does that mean they're going to legalize it?— Coda knows Trump is lying scum (@Trump_Lies_24_7) March 26, 2019
Must be a Mormon thing.— Kona Lowell (@KonaLowell) March 26, 2019
It’s been a good day for the Reagan’s Raptor Twitter account.