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New Toilet Makes Poop Breaks Uncomfortable So Employees Can’t Take Long Bathroom Breaks

Working sucks and one of the few things you can do to escape the grind is to take a nice long break in the bathroom. This is known by both every employee and every employer. There are companies that try to control how frequently and for how long employees use the bathroom like it’s some sort of totalitarian regime coughcoughAmazoncoughcough, but the laws of common decency still mostly hold in American workplaces. People go to the bathroom, and if it seems like they’re taking extra long in there to scroll through Twitter, well, no one will ask about it.

So, of course, someone came up with a way to ruin toilets. A start-up company called StandardToilet has created a john of the same name, and is being supported by the British Toilet Association, which is a group that campaigns for “better bathroom facilities in offices and public spaces,” according to the Daily Mail.

If that’s true, it’s a bit confusing why they want the StandardToilet out there, because the seat is deliberately tilted 13 degrees to make it uncomfortable to sit on for an extended period of time.

Company founder Mahabir Gill said the torture toilet has already received interest from the public and private sector in the UK, because it’s seen a big money-saver.

“It is estimated that in the United Kingdom alone, extended employee breaks costs industry and commerce an £4 billion per annum,” said Gill. “With the advent of flexible zero-hour contracts, it is easy to see why our StandardToilet can be an asset to a business.”

They’re also trying to sell the toilet as having health benefits for your posture and butt.

“Medical studies have suggested that using the traditional WC can cause swollen hemorrhoids and weakening of pelvic muscles,” he said. “The StandardToilet provides Increased comfort through promoting the engagement of upper and lower leg muscles which helps reduce musculo-skeletan disorders.”

If you’re sitting on the toilet long enough every day to lose muscle in your upper legs, that is a problem, but it’s more likely they’re losing muscle from sitting in a chair in front of a computer, holding in their piss so their health insurance doesn’t get taken away.

The new toilet is such a horrible idea, and many people recognized just how horrible immediately:

Touching people’s toilet time is asking for revolt. We all deserve a peaceful poop break.