There’s a simple rule when you’re a “normie” interacting with a professional comedian during a performance, and it’s this: Do not try to upstage them. Not only is that not your role (there’s a reason you’re not the one holding the microphone), but you’re gonna fail and you’re gonna look bad doing it. This rule applies in all such situations, but especially when you’re dealing with a comedian with a lightning-fast, razor-sharp wit like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (AKA Robert Smigel). Ted Cruz, always thirsty for attention, doesn’t seem to know that rule.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (AKA comedian Robert Smigel) recently traveled to Texas to film some election coverage for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. While he was there he interviewed (and thoroughly roasted) voters for both progressive superstar Beto O’Rourke and quivering mass of not-quite-coalesced slime mold, Ted Cruz.
Interviewing O’Rourke supporters, Triumph asked, “Have you ever actually heard his music? Well, trust me, if Beto wants to stop border crossings quicker than Ted Cruz, they can just play his album down there.”
Harsh, but fair.
Because no one can say no to a famous cigar-chomping dog puppet (that would look ridiculous!) Triumph managed to score some face time with both candidates. O’Rourke went first, and was very much game.
“Does it concern you that half your base thinks they can vote for you through Instagram?” Triumph asked.
“Yeah, it’s gonna have to turn into real votes,” a laughing O’Rourke replied, adding, “But we’re seeing it! Huge voter turnout so far.”
If a foul-mouthed dog puppet can’t knock you off message, nothing can.
Next up was Ted Cruz, the slithering incumbent clinging desperately to what will hopefully be his last moments in the limelight. While Cruz’s security awkwardly tried to keep Triumph at arm’s length (it’s very hard to look tough when you’re keeping a puppet at bay, just FYI), the insult comic dog asked, “Ted, is it true you will defend the Constitution at all costs, except for when Donald Trump calls it ugly on Twitter?” Youch.
“I love the Constitution and Twitter is Twitter,” Cruz managed.
Later Cruz decided to try out some zingers of his own. It did not go well.
“Just remember: It wasn’t the Republicans, it was the Democrats that took you in to the vet to get you fixed and there is freedom on the other side,” Cruz joked (if you can call that a joke?).
“I support spaying and neutering, just like Trump did to you,” Triumph snapped back.
And that, my friends, is why you never try to one-up a professional comedian.
The entire video is hilarious and well worth your time:
h/t: Huffington Post