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Trump Is Now The Top Google Result For ‘Mushroom D*ck’

Anyone who so much as glanced at internet today was met with the gag-inducing news that there was, yet again, a graphic description of the president’s genitalia bouncing around out there. The all-too-vivid mental image comes courtesy of an excerpt from Stormy Daniels’ forthcoming book, Full Disclosure, where she discusses her (alleged!) affair with Donald Trump.

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting f**ked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart,” Daniels wrote. “It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.”

THANKS, STORMY! (Also, he has a name and it’s “Toad.”)

It’s not every day that the President of the United States gets his weird d*ck put on blast by an adult film actress (thank God), so people had a little fun with it.

Obviously there were plenty of Toad memes, and Nintendo got pretty psyched…

…until they realized why they were trending.

But while Nintendo’s enjoyment was—to borrow a phrase from Daniels’ description—“short but not unusually short,” everyone else’s lasted four hours or longer. By the end of the day, Trump notched the top Google spot for “mushroom d*ck”:

(You can check for yourself, but I highly recommend you just take my word for it.) So congratulations, Mr. President! You love being number one and, unlike the race for the popular vote, you really earned this one! (Despite some shortcomings.) Take a victory lap! Take some time off! Hell, RESIGN even!