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Trump’s Border Wall Speech Is Over And People Couldn’t Be Happier

If you decided to watch Trump’s extra special address tonight instead of boycotting, you were probably tense all day in anticipation for how bad it could be, and now you’re breathing a sigh of relief. For those who didn’t watch, you didn’t miss anything. It was the same usual lies, xenophobia, and racism that Trump has been using to attempt to scare Americans into handing over their tax dollars for many months. It’s not worth repeating and it would be better if no one had watched it at all, but what can you do?

On a positive note, someone clearly wrote the speech for him, as it was easy to follow and didn’t contain any bizarre word-salad tangents. You could also see his eyes moving back and forth as he read. He also did not call an illegal national emergency to waste time trying to force the government to pay for the wall Mexico was supposed to pay for.

After citing a few examples of 1/12000000th of the total undocumented population that committed crimes, Nanci Pelosi and Chuck Schumer aired their response, each doing their own individual speech one right after the other while the other stared blankly into the camera. Still, at least their speeches were rooted in reality.

Afterward, many networks set to the task of fact-checking. It didn’t take long, not because there weren’t many lies (there were) but because they were the same lies the press has been debunking for over two years.

It was truly an unremarkable night. The only thing that’s worth reading is the funny Twitter reactions.

That is all. Go back to your lives and forget any of this happened.