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Fox News Rages Over Gender-Neutral Cookies And Twitter’s Got A Baker’s Dozen Of Hot Jokes

Fresh from his latest white supremacist rant and still hemorrhaging major advertisers, Tucker Carlson has retreated to some safer, saner topics, like the gender of Christmas cookies.

“The war on Christmas is a global struggle,” Carlson somberly said to intro the Tuesday night segment. “In the parliament of Scotland–they have a national parliament–the coffee shop has stopped selling gingerbread men. Why? Gender specific. They’re not called gingerbread people, you don’t want to give them a gender without their consent.”

Carlson tagged in Fox News contributor Tammy Bruce to discuss the obviously very important subject of cookie genitals.

Bruce, you might remember, once bravely slimed an autistic child who requested an apology from Mike Pence after the Vice President accidentally dinged him in the face, so you know she’s got kids’ best interests at heart.

“The left has worked now for a couple of generations to condition us to, ahead of time, worry about what we’re going to say,” Bruce said. (This is actually true, we on the left would like people to think before they speak. If Carlson had heeded that advice he might not be forced to fill ad slots with the MyPillow guy, but whatever.)

Bruce went on to laud the backlash against the “gingerbread person” kerfuffle, suggesting that the “smallest thing” can be a “tipping point” for people. (It’s unclear what they’re being “tipped” towards, but presumably it’s something about waking up to the horrors of liberalism.) “In this case, it’s, you know, calling gingerbread men a gingerbread person when obviously, they’re men,” Bruce said.

Sigh.

Obviously, they’re COOKIES! Just like obviously Santa Claus isn’t real and therefore does not have a defined race, but the ‘War on Christmas’—along with the rest of the culture war—is largely fought in the imaginations of paranoid conservatives.

1. Twitter had a lot to say about the cookie gender crisis, including slamming Carlson’s questionable priorities:

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4. And plenty of piping hot jokes:

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And you better believe there were some d*ck jokes: