Sometimes you think you have one problem, but it’s actually something else entirely. That’s what happened to Redditor u/romanianwitch, who came to r/AmItheA**hole with an issue she was having with her husband and woman named Mary. The comments opened her eyes to something even worse.
She starts by saying she’s been married for three years and together five. Her husband has an old high school friend, the aforementioned Mary. Mary is considered “one of the boys” so to speak and gets invited to all the fishing trips. Buts she writes, “I don’t mind at all, I trust my husband.”
The problem is that Mary is racist. The OP is half-Romanian, and when Mary found out she started to act real weird about it:
It started kinda innocently, with her asking me to say certain words, teach her some insults etc which didn’t necessarily bother me, but it usually put me on the spot whenever we were out with my husband’s group of friends. It only escalated to her googling stuff about Romania and asking me ‘are you a vampire? do you bite your husband by the neck?’ to ‘are you a gypsy? I bet you’ve got some of that gypsy blood in you’ (which is just blatantly racist)
Then things escalated at a small BBQ that included some friends. The OP says that she had told her husband that Mary was making her uncomfortable, and he invited her anyway. She says that her husband claimed to have talked to Mary about her remarks and she had “been understanding” so it probably wouldn’t repeat. Cut to party:
It was midnight and there were about 4 of us left and I accidentally spilled some red wine on Mary’s jeans when I tripped over a carpet. All hell broke loose. Mary started saying that I’m a witch and I’m trying to ruin her life and this whole thing is part of my ritual and I’m just a ‘immigrant gypsy trying to ruin my husband’s life’ and I’ve poisoned my husband against her. I started crying and profusely apologising. When she wouldn’t drop it, I kicked her out and banned her from ever coming to my house again.
AITA for doing this? My husband insists that Mary was just drunk and talking nonsense and he would talk to her. He also told me I’m way too sensitive about my heritage and I’m an a-hole for banning her. Mary has since given me a half hearted apology but I’m still not ok with her.
Wow. I hate these stories where a woman is clearly being treated like crap by a man and then thinks she’s being crazy and has to go to Reddit for confirmation that she’s not.
On the bright side, the commenters did confirm that she’s not and did explain that there is something really weird about Mary and even weirder about how her husband reacted to the altercation.
After reading hundreds of messages saying her husband did not behave appropriately, and quite a few that suggested something more was going on than she knew, it seems like the OP confronted her husband because she added this edit to her original post:
I guess this is the update some of you wanted. Sorry I’m still a mess and idk how coherent I am. We’ve talked. He admitted to being in and out of an affair with Mary in the first 2y of our relationship and she wanted to win him back I guess. I called my mom to come help me pack some stuff and im out. Thats it. Mary can have him I’ve been gaslit for years and it took a reddit post to realise. Oh the irony. thank you reddit.
Thank you, Reddit, and F that guy. There was a second update as well in which Mary answered some more commenters who had questions, in which she says she really had no idea:
She signed off with a final thank you, writing, “I’m sending virtual hugs to all of you! Aveți grijă de voi!” The husband was the real curse all along. Now, the spell is broken.