Over on Reddit, the account user u/bigstona posed an interesting question in an Am I The A-Hole forum that left many Reddit users scratching their heads. That is, she basically asked if she was a horrible person for not wanting her engagement ring to be a cheapy.
The OP explained that she’s NOT a gold digger, but that she found out her new engagement ring was just $80—and has some feelings about it:
In the post she writes, “I want to start this off by saying I’m not a gold digger. I got engaged 2 weeks ago and was more than happy to say yes even if there was no ring at all. But there was one and it looked beautiful at first until I later inspected it that night. It looked like a normal engagement ring but the metal didn’t seem heavy or feel normal. There was also something stamped inside the band that said “ALE.” I looked it up on google and it brought me to Pandora’s website. I looked through the website and found my $80 ring.”
Her concern, however, wasn’t exactly about the price. It was about the ring’s inability to last 40+ years.
“I won’t lie, I’m upset but not because of the money. It’s because my initial thought was that the ring won’t last. No, this was not meant to be a place holder ring. He meant to give me this as my forever ring that I wear for 40+ years.”
So, she confronted her fiance, who said, “if it’s not about the money and it’s not about how the ring looks” then she had nothing to complain about…
“I confronted him and told him I noticed the ring was plated rose metal and that it came from Pandora. I told him it has nothing to do with the cost of the ring but I was worried it would tarnish and the Cubic Zirconia would get ruined. He said that I initially told him I loved it, which was true. It’s pretty looking. He then said do I still like how it looks and I said yes but it’s fake metal and won’t last. He said that if it’s not about the money and it’s not about how the ring looks then I have nothing to complain about. He said Pandora specializes in have a bridal ring section and they wouldn’t make an engagement ring that wouldn’t last.”
Here’s what Reddit had to say. Let’s get the YTA (“You’re The A-hole”) comments out of the way first:
“I’m going to go with YTA because you’re making a big deal out of nothing. My parents pawned their wedding bands in the 90s because they had 2 kids to feed, they’ve been together 30 years, married 27, most of that 27 without a ring. You have much bigger problems if you’re so worried about whether or not that ring will still be on your finger when you’re old and grey.” — aardappelbrood
YTA. You don’t marry someone or love someone because of material possession.” — Swift747
“YTA. If you didn’t care if there was a ring at all then why do you care if its $80 or if it will “last”. Was buying you a nicer ring down the road out of the question? I think you like the idea of not caring about a ring but you actually do care and maybe you should fess up to that and see if he’ll save up in future for one you can pick out for yourself. Also, IT IS about the cost of the ring because any high-quality metal with a genuine stone is going to cost something. Just tell him what you want and stop trying to be the girl that ‘doesnt care about that.'” — Crolleen
Others, however, cut right to the core of the issue, calling “Not The A-hole” immediately (and inspiring thoughts of ‘Is this really the man you want to marry?’)
A dude chimed in on the ring — a necessary perspective, we think. He suggested that the ring issue was probably a “litmus test for [something] which is a really sh—tty way to have a conversation about compatibility.”
Food for thought, OP. Food for thought.