Emily Burns
Obviously, the topic of death and funerals isn’t a cheery one. Most people tend to avoid these morose subjects until they’re actually faced with them.
Other people, however, understand that a sense of humor is sometimes the best way to deal with difficult situations.
Author and journalist Dana Schwartz hilariously tweeted about showing up at stranger’s funerals to make their families believe they had a secret double life and Twitter is loving it.
Say hello to Dana Schwartz, a 26-year-old author, journalist, and cat-lover.
Dana recently posted a hilariously clever tweet telling her followers that, in exchange for $50, she’d show up at their funerals with a black umbrella to make people think they died with some sort of crazy secret.
If you pay me $50 I'll show up to your funeral but stand really far away, holding a black umbrella regardless of the weather, so that people think you died with a dark and interesting secret.
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 3, 2019
The tweet has since garnered more than 470K likes and 93K retweets.
She even went as far as to share her Venmo information along with more instructions.
my venmo is dana-schwartz-11 I will need the money deposited in advanced, and your obituary will need to be published in a newspaper so I can write a code on the back and leave it at your grave for someone to find. the code will be nonsense.
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 3, 2019
Schwartz insisted that there must be a printed obituary. Gotta keep it legit, people.
It wasn’t long before the responses came rolling in, the first being from fellow author Neil Gaiman and the pair settled on a few specifics.
If you promise to dab your cheeks from time to time with a black lace handkerchief you’ve got a deal.
— Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) January 3, 2019
Oh that was a given
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 3, 2019
Obviously, you'll need all the help you can get. But you can trust I'll be there (don't make it for a while).
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 4, 2019
People even started sending Dana money.
EXCUSE ME I HAVE TO FIND A VINTAGE CIGARETTE HOLDER STAT. I HAVE A FUNERAL TO MOROSELY GAZE UPON. pic.twitter.com/hOeQcSggdX
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 3, 2019
people venmoing me: jokes on you, I'm actually coming to your funeral.
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 4, 2019
And others offered their own suggestions.
Ill give you $75 if when the casket is going down you walk over and place a small box on top and say only loud enough for a few people to hear "if they only knew"
— dick (@spursyyank) January 5, 2019
Or how about as the burial ends, taking out your phone, ringing someone and just saying “it’s done” before pausing & hanging up, then just turning and walking away?
— Dave Nevett (@_GLB) January 5, 2019
How much to arrange for a solemn child to hold your hand at the same time?
— Robin Hart-Jones (@Roblex) January 5, 2019
Can you disguise yourself as me and smoke a cigarette as you stand a row or 2 away from my funeral while you look at it go on so people think I faxed my death
— the jollyness has worn off (@clendeninjon) January 5, 2019
If I double it, will you tell people I was a traveler from the future and you were my handler?
— Andrew Gurevich (@agingprophet) January 5, 2019
I need another 1000 bucks to find someone who could create an artificial rain of sorts to make it more intriguing.
— Sreedhar Iyer, Author🖋️📘 (@sreedharIyer) January 5, 2019
For €100, I would like a long stemmed red rose tossed into my open grave as you wipe a single tear away from under your huge black sunglasses. I already plan to do this at a certain man's funeral:)
— regina kealy (@kealycopy) January 5, 2019
For an extra £50 please will you pick up a call and say, "yes, they believe it", then leave inconspicuously in a chauffer driven black car?
— Stan Gaskell (@stanielxD) January 5, 2019
One person wanted to be Dana’s partner in crime.
Can I be the guy by the black car wearing black leather gloves, sunglasses, and chewing gum, slowly? We might have a legit biz here!
— theSouthernNewYorker (@SouthernNYorker) January 5, 2019
Safe to say, there are going to be a lot of very confused family members.
