Today in “No sh*t, Sherlock,” a woman’s experiment to prove men at the bar are usually interested in getting her drunk turns out to be…accurate.
Jennifer Dziura wrote about her experience with men at bars who became angry when she refused their offer of an alcoholic beverage and instead suggested they purchase her food or a nonalcoholic drink.
“Men who offer to buy women drinks are often intending to purchase a lowering of a woman’s defenses,” Dziura wrote in a post, which was shared on Tumblr.
“If you are a woman in a bar and a man offers to buy you a drink, try this: cheerfully ask for something nonalcoholic, while indicating a willingness to get to know the guy. At least 50% of men will be angry. They weren’t offering a gift or trying to strike up a conversation: they wanted you to be drunk and to let down your guard.”
Dziura went on to explain her personal experiences.
“In one case, I met a guy at a concert. I liked him. He suggested going to get a drink, but I was starving and suggested the kebab place around the corner. I can’t remember who paid, but I had a cheap bowl of soup and the guy pouted and I never saw him again. The other time, I had done standup in a bar and an older guy offered to buy me a drink. I said I actually would love some popcorn, which was being sold **at the bar for $2.** The man got angry and acted like I had cheated him somehow.”
Dziura’s post got a response from a bartender, who basically confirmed her suspicions and offered some advice on how to navigate situations like this.
“I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, ‘serve her a stronger drink, I’m trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?’ usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her.”
“I like to think I’m a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl’s more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her.”
And then, because women have to monitor EVERY DAMN THING when we’re out in public consuming drinks, the bartender suggested only picking up drinks directly from the bar, so as to avoid getting roofied.
However, the bartender also said that most of the time, “usually, you can just tell the bartender that you’d like something light, and that’s a big clue to us that you’re uncomfortable with whomever you’re standing next to.”
Bartenders can often be the first line of defense in a problematic or unsafe situation. Recently, New Mexico bar owner Carri Phyllis made the news for her efforts in making female patrons feel like they can ask for help if they feel threatened.
In the women’s bathroom, she put up a sign that says “Date Gone Wrong? If anyone is bothering you or making you feel uncomfortable, as for an Angle Shot. We’ll get you out of the situation and transportation, if needed.”
1 out of 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape during her lifetime. If you’ve been assaulted, it is NEVER your fault.