Men learn how to treat the women they’re in relationships with from other men. One would hope a compassionate person would recognize when they’re being taught something horrendous, but this story on r/relationships from u/ThrowRA-doistink made me wonder if the entire institution of heterosexual relationships needs to go.
The story was posted under the title, “Boyfriend won’t stop telling me I have B.O.” The story basically has two parts. The first part is the OP explaining that she and her boyfriend have been together for over a year and it’s great in every way except one.
“Every single day, at least once, he will tell me that I stink and smell of b.o.,” she writes.
She says that the comments got to her quickly. Before long, she was so paranoid she was showering twice a day, brushing her teeth anytime she consumed something that wasn’t water, put on deodorant every few hours after setting a timer and wearing perfume:
I feel like I’m going crazy. I didn’t think I smelled bad in the beginning and I don’t think I smell bad now but I obviously smell bad to him right? Im that weirdo that keeps “sneakily” smelling their own armpits.
I have been to the doctor and he has said there is nothing medically wrong. It has honestly gotten to the point where I literally shove my arm pit in friends and families faces asking if I smell bad, they all say I don’t smell like b.o. at all, one friend even said I smelled too clean like a lush store. I am getting so paranoid.
He won’t cuddle or anything when he says I smell. I really don’t know what more I can do?
Then there’s the second part. Prepare yourself to feel rage:
Update – so unexpected edit. I waited for him to make a comment this morning so I could talk to him. It was less than an hour after waking up that he said “god you stink” I had already showered and put on deodorant. I snapped and asked what exactly was he smelling because, at this point I’m one of the cleanest people on the planet and if I still smell bad to him then we should just break up.
He got all panicked and upset, I eventually got out of him that this is what he father always said to his mother. Apparently his father told him that is was a sure fire technique to have a woman never leave you because “she will feel too low to cheat, will love only you, and will always be clean”.
Needless to say, his father is wrong. He’s packing his things and moving out of my house today.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? You’ve been purposefully making your girlfriend go crazy to make her feel “too low to cheat?”
There is so much about this mentality that is sick and wrong, and it’s basically the definition of gaslighting as Twitter user @potetnese pointed out:
Everyone was pretty enraged on the OP’s behalf:
But in that update she did great. She kicked that gaslighting moron to the curb. Hope he goes crying back to papa, and starts to make amends by telling his mom what his dad has been doing.