You know that thing that happens when you’re talking to a guy and he brings up something you’re actually interested in, but when you go to contribute to the conversation he just steamrolls right over you? The story he’s telling is, in his mind, about him and he doesn’t want you to step in and explain that, god forbid, you actually know more about the subject than he does.
Being bulldozed by men, or “mandozed” if you will, is something that a lot of women are familiar with. I’m not saying it happens just to women, or that men are always the perpetrators of this general discourtesy, or that all men do it. I’m just saying that it happens a lot with people who are too full of themselves and those people often happen to be men.
It’s a lot like the thing written about by Rebecca Solnit in 2008, in an essay called “Men Explain Things To Me. The phenomenon would come to be called “mansplaining,” although Solnit didn’t actually use that word in her piece.
Recently, writer and cartoonist Maggie Mull tweeted about how she’d met a guy at a bar who told her that he loved New Yorker cartoons. When Maggie responded that she actually wrote them, it became clear that he didn’t so much want to learn anything about them, he just wanted to brag about liking them.
Some guy at a bar was telling me he loved New Yorker cartoons and I said “oh cool, I actually do New Yorker cartoons” and he said “yeah, anyway, they’re great”.— maggie mull (@infinitesimull) April 17, 2019
He ended up just saying, “Yeah, anyway, they’re great.” Wow, guy. Conversation much?
There were jokes about what a catch he was.
His shirt might have been a plastic-blend. Lotta rings.— maggie mull (@infinitesimull) April 17, 2019
When’s the wedding?!
— Josh Henderson (@Henderson1983) April 17, 2019
And other women, especially writers, began to chime in, recounting the times that men had brushed past their accomplishments, sometimes seeming to literally not hear them.
“you could write for tv someday”
– a weatherman from Nebraska to me and @LizzieMolyneux
— Wendy Molyneux (@WendyMolyneux) April 17, 2019
Whoa maggie this TRULY encapsulates my experience dating (or even talking w) men as a professional comedy writer.
— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) April 17, 2019
So familiar. A guy last week told me he loved Herbie Hancock. I said, Oh, I helped Herbie write his memoir a few years ago. Guy then spent 20 minutes telling me about the time he saw Herbie at a restaurant and went up and said hey
— Lisa Dickey (@LisaWritesBooks) April 18, 2019
Someone once toldme about a story he read in The Guardian about North Koreans living underground in LA. Me: I wrote the story. He told me about it.
— Soo Youn (@lalasoo) April 18, 2019
Cannot fave this enough tbh. I need at least two hands to count the times I’ve told men I wrote about what they’re explaining to me, only to have it parroted back anyway.
— Rachel McGrath (@RachelMcGrath) April 18, 2019
God how he must hate you. Imagine trying to chat up a girl you’d quite like to bang at a bar by showing her how intellectual and well-read you are and then she humiliates you by turning out to be more talented, funny and successful than you will ever be. What a bitch.
— Leila Molana-Allen (@Leila_MA) April 17, 2019
Oh God. I can hear his voice. :Shudders:
— jessica pilot (@JessicaPilot212) April 17, 2019
One woman included a quote that perfectly encapsulated the type of person who talks to people this way.
— Debra Moffitt (@PinkLockerMom) April 17, 2019
And someone sent a cartoon that showed a somewhat similar situation that women often find themselves in.
— Janice ?? (@jbogeajis) April 17, 2019
A few people brought up the fact that this story would make a great New Yorker cartoon. Which is perfect, because she, you know, writes them.
Please make this an actual cartoon
— Old Man Nonsense (@80sreference) April 18, 2019
Men, don’t be like this. Be better. Be, as Melania says, best. Don’t be so worried about always knowing it all. Let women talk, and actually listen to them. Ask questions! Have a conversation! It’s not that hard.