Can you recall the sh*ttiest advice you’ve ever gotten? I hung out with dummies for a good decade of my life, so my answers could fill entire spiral notebooks. Advice like, “drink this Olde English High Gravity,” or “drink this Four Loko,” or “drink this MD 2020,” and tons of bad tips that have nothing at all to do with alcohol, like “so what if it’s 3 AM? Call him repeatedly” and “you NEED to go to college to get an English degree.”
But I digress.
The point is, people love to hear themselves talk, and they love to feel needed, and they love to give advice they don’t follow. Some of them are genuinely trying to help, and some are just projecting their insane world views onto your life.
“To avoid a fight, make and maintain eye contact with someone while passing them on the street.”
In the military, in Iraq. The sweat is irritating and to fix that, my friend says you just stop drinking water. I was dumbfounded.
Dad – There’s no future in those bloody computers Son. 35 years ago.
To not accept a raise because it would “put me in the next tax bracket and I would lose money.” The tax bracket system does not work that way. I promise.
My mom said if someone wanted to fight me at school, I should just let them kick my ass because they would get in trouble and I wouldn’t. Even the Assistant Principal thought this was a terrible idea.
Edit: This was in ’96-’97 so a little before zero tolerance, but still a stupid idea.
I had to miss some high school orchestra rehearsals because I had gotten a job performing for a musical. My conductor said “taking gigs is not a good way to start your career in music.”
Yeah. Try again, bub.
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“Why are you sad? Just cheer up”
Gee I never thought of that before.
Not me, but my old coworker was talking to a client and she was complaining that a 12 year old girl sent her 13yo son nudes. Old coworker suggested she send them to her phone, then to her parents’. I suggested that perhaps distributing child pornography was in fact not a good idea.
My sister’s advice to me. “If you’re ever drunk and need to drive just do some coke”
Treat em mean, keep em keen.
My current girlfriend of 9 years (and the girl I was pursuing when my friend gave me the above ‘advice’) has said that if I had started being an arrogant dick towards her – she would have just stopped bothering to see me.
Sell your cable TV stock (in 1978).
“Ya know, son, being with a woman, is a lot like eating at a fancy restaurant. If you order the lasagna, you should eat the lasagna. That’s the entree you picked, and you owe it to the lasagna to clean your plate. But as long as you’re going to clean your plate, it’s okay to try a bite of other foods here and there. That’s not neglecting your lasagna, it’s just making sure that lasagna is really as good as you think it is. And if you like a different dish more, it’s better to find out now, before you’re full.”
This said while encouraging me to cheat on my girlfriend while we were on a family vacation.
“People won’t judge you if you tell the truth”
Was told I should practice drinking and driving so I could figure out exactly how much I can drink and still be able to drive safely.
“No need for a lock! Get an axe and strap it to your bike. Nobody wants to mess with someone who has an axe, so nobody will try to steal your bike.”
(I swear I didn’t make this up… the guy who said it seemed more than a little drunk though.)
When I was diagnosed with aggressive cancer: Chemo is poison! Don’t let those doctors kill you, they just want to make a profit. If you fast and drink lemon water your body will heal itself.
Literally the worst advice. I would be dead right now.
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“If you’re ever raped just try to relax and enjoy it until it’s over” I’ve never been in that situation, thankfully but I really would hate to think that other people have actually taken that advice.
That I better catch me a man because I was getting old.
I was 19 and at the wedding of a 20 and 21 year old. There wasn’t even alcohol because majority of the guests were underage. I’m no longer friends with those people for many reasons (not the ones that got married, they moved and we lost touch, but the ones telling me to catch a man still live in the same city and we don’t speak).
If I married the guy I was dating at 19/20, I would be a very bitter, angry person. Some people find the person they were meant to be with at a young age, I didn’t and am glad I didn’t succumb to the pressure just because everyone else around me thought that they had.
I met my husband when I was 25 and everythings been going good. I made the right decision.
I was getting a hard time in school from other kids. The advice I received was ‘just ignore them’. Anyone who’s being bullied will tell you that simply ignoring it is not possible because bullies don’t allow you to ignore them.
Broke my arm in the fourth grade. The teacher’s advice was to get a drink of water (as the only form of medical attention until I finally convinced them to call my parents). It didn’t fix my broken arm.
Have a baby together, you will have a family and learn to love each other.
During an anxiety attack… “just don’t think about it”. Oh! Okay! Phew. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that!
“Sometimes having a kid is the best way to become an adult.”
-Friend of a friend who got knocked up at 20, dropped out of college, and is going nowhere in life with kid #2 on the way.
Borrow as much as you need for college. Don’t worry about how you’ll pay it back, just have fun.
Really, really stupid. I went to a private college that cost over 100K. I owed 46K in student loans when I graduated. A $600 a month minimum payment on an entry level salary really limits your options post school.
In my Junior year of college my advisor advised that I drop out and focus on raising my baby that was on the way. I told one of my teachers what she said and he said, “what? no. that’s stupid, I’m your advisor now.”
Graduated on time, raised son. It all worked out.
I went to the dentist once because my wisdom tooth was growing in sideways and cutting my gum and it was swelling up and really painful.
THE ENTIRE time he’s looking at my teeth hes trying to convince me to get braces for one crooked tooth I have in the front, and I keep asking him what to do about my swollen gum and he told me to “just brush your teeth harder”
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“You’ll understand when you’re older”… I’m older now and still don’t understand sh*t
When I was broke and halfway through college, my mom said, “eh I guess you have to drop out and give up. That’s life, honey.”
Thank god I didn’t listen to her shitty advice and pushed through. I now have my degree and am financially stable.
You shouldn’t pursue a career in Accounting because there isn’t a need for them. You’ll be better off in an engineering field because I want only the best for my daughter. (Her dad told me that)
We broke up.
Edit: sorry, didn’t realize this would take off. We didn’t break up because of the dad’s advice. It was completely unrelated. Thanks for the support!
Good things come to those who wait. The worst advice you could ever give someone.